Why Did They Phrase This In The Funniest Way Possible. Al Pacino’s Horrible Emotional Support Moustache

the original got flagged with no way to appeal it when every contributor is deactivated but I will never let this post die. it's monday and we are getting on it cunts

I hate that SEPTember OCTOber NOVember and DECember aren’t the 7th, 8th, 9th, and 10th months.

Your sixth most recent emoji is how your guardian angel feels about you

“Tonight you’re thinking of cities under crowns of snow and I stare at you like I’m looking through a window, counting birds. You wanted happiness, I can’t blame you for that, and maybe a mouth sounds idiotic when it blathers on about joy but tell me you love this, tell me you’re not miserable.”

— Richard Siken, Seaside Improvisation (via nottheabsenceofviolence)

DO NOT SUPPORT SALVATION ARMY 

As an alternative to 'sugar, spice, and everything nice'

I present: 'salt, vinegar, and everything sinister'

I know I sound like your mom but you kids need to stop fucking vaping