Idk How To Explain It But Like Even When I'm Happy I Still Would Rather Be Dead Yk

I tell myself that I haven't been drained my entire life but then I remember wanting to go to sleep for a really really long time when I was like 8

Mentally floating face down in a river

is it bad to not tell my psychiatrist and psychologist that I sh and have attempted in the past. they will tell my parents but I think they will take my depression more seriously. I also believe that since they think I don't sh they have ruled out other mental illnesses that I might have

someone pls tell me there’s more to life than this

shaving over my old scars feels so weird like blades of the razor are going over my scars without actually causing harm. does that make sense lol

can someone please tell me if the urge to relapse ever stops like when I'm 30 am I still going to be cutting myself 🙏🙏