Having Attempted To Categorize The Various Facets Of Poor Response To Oil Spills As Either Market, Civil

bernadette banner just referred to someone as her "resident chemist" and i am quite sure that this is the profession i aspire to.

sounds heard while reading hnmr spec charts:

“it’s so sad, it has no friends!”

“that’s not possible, you can’t have that many friends!”

“that hydrogen is getting peer pressured.”

Caffeine does not dehydrate you quickly enough to cancel out the effects of the water content in coffee, soda, tea, etc. If you’re staring down deadly heat waves, please drink whatever you will drink the most of slowly–sipping often throughout the day is better than chugging a few glasses of water once you begin to feel thirst (a sign of dehydration). The only thing you should avoid is alcohol.

If you are going to give medical advice regarding high heat, please make sure that it is sound. It is dangerous to tell people to avoid certain liquids, especially liquids that are more likely to be sipped often throughout the day, especially because people in temperate climates who are getting tropical summer temperatures right now are not used to the fact that electrolyte loss from excessive sweating can be dangerous too. Water alone does not hydrate you. If you are drinking tons of plain water without eating anything with it, that is a recipe for electrolyte imbalances that can fuck you up big time. Guess what has water and sodium in it? Soda. Guess what has carbohydrates and proteins and calcium? Iced lattes. If you like water, that’s great! A lot of people do not like and will not drink water, or will chug water a few times a day while sodas and lattes and teas that could save their lives sit abandoned in the fridge because they’ve been convinced that it’s plain water or nothing. Don’t die for diet culture and debunked science. Drink your sodas, teas, coffees, milkshakes, slushies–whatever gets liquid into your body in sippable form, because your body can only process so much liquid at a time–chugging a bunch of water in the morning won’t help you by the afternoon, you’ve got to keep drinking. Also heat stroke can kill you. Heat stroke is a medical emergency. It’s not you being a baby or a wimp, it’s your internal body temperature getting high enough to cook enzymes in your body to the point that they melt out of shape and stop functioning. Heat stroke can kill you quickly, so don’t wait to call an ambulance if you think you or someone else have it. If you suspect heat stroke and you hesitate, you may watch someone die. I know people who have watched a young, healthy relative die of heatstroke while waiting for the ambulance to come, despite everyone involved being accustomed to the heat and having access to air conditioning. When you start to feel like the heat is getting to you, listen to your body and do not push yourself. Pushing yourself is how you die waiting for the ambulance to come.

Soda, tea, coffee, ice cream, and milk are all perfectly good at hydrating you. Please drink whatever you will put in a cup, carry around with you, and sip often throughout the day. Deadly heat waves are not the time to lie to yourself about what liquids you like to put in your body. Deadly heat waves are the time to put those liquids in your body frequently in small sips throughout the day.

me talking about my research project to non-science folks: yeah, so i'm using bacteria to get rid of oil.

me talking about my research project to science folks/writing about it: i'm investigating how the pH of the solution marine bacteria are cultured in affects their ability to degrade hydrocarbons.

me talking about research in my head: how make bacteria bois the best souuuuuuup? do they like sour soup or no sour soup?

there are some days where i'm like "hell yeah! how many moles of photons do i need to raise a 400 grams of water 5 degrees using a CO2 laser at a specific wavelength? i don't know but i'll figure it out!!"

and then there are some days where I forget how to balance the reaction of sodium bicarb and vinegar...

to the chemistry demon: look. i already sold my soul to the algebra demon. and i know you guys are friends. you steal his torture tactics very often. so please. i can't sell you my soul for a 5 on your ap exam. i might be able to rent you a little bit, or convince algebra to lend it to you for a few minutes, but i won't be able to sell it to you.

...will you accept cookies in payment?

no? tears, blood, and souls only? *sighs.* fine.

the tear delivery should be around 2am, does that work for you?

i love that when writing cover letters, i have to keep going back to my resume, going "wait, what skills do i have again? oh right, i can read that kind of graph. let's put that down."

...scientists really be like "put simply" and then follow it up with the most incomprehensible, jargon filled sentence you've ever read.

Dear scientists,

Please, for the love of God, please, make your papers more understandable.

Fuck you

Sincerely,

A college student on the verge of tears

ah, yes.

the sweet, sweet smell of procrastination.

cool facts

- AgNO3 (silver nitrate) clots blood! it's actually got several medical applications! (and is often in military first aid kits!)

- when oil spills happen, the bacteria which can metabolize polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons (PAHs) tend to rise in population, and those that cannot tend to decrease!