It's Whatever. Doesn't Fucking Matter.

can I really call this crying? when all that happens is my eyes well up with water and only one or two tears fall and they don't even make it far before it stops.

that sounds so bad. im sorry I just want a place to bee without having a feeling of constantly being watched and perceived. I'm sorry I just want a place to ramble and vent and whatever. oh god I feel bad I'm bad I'm bad I'm a liar i feel like a liar

i feel so bad to the point I wanna cut

also cry, but I can't cry so I'll just sit feeling like this

1hr ago me was wrong btw

current mood is wanting to fucking cry, scream, and rip my skin apart and hair out but actually I'm just sitting doom scrolling or watching youtube letting these feelings sit because you just don't have the will to do any of those things.

starting off the morning with extreme anxiety because I don't wanna go to school, woke up absolutely way too early so that's even less sleep, woke up to messages from A, who I haven't heard in 4 months and I don't want to open them

increased anxiety and suicidal ideations this morning, such fun

talking to/spamming my bf and he mentioned when we meet irl one day and that made me just shdhelwkvso

i don't know how he puts up with me but I love him, I hope we can really see each other one day. please be soon. i mean, im getting a job when I graduate, so maybe it's really possible..

i can't get you to understand a single bit. so why bother trying, why dont I just leave again, and not temporarily this time.

why's the depression strong right now