Ok, I Did In Fact Scour The Internet For Fics Like This (and Sadly There Is Not Many! @ Fic Writers Please

I did in fact start drafting a full fic for this… (but I am SLOW, so I make no promises)

but anyway, one scene that’s going around in my brain:

[All the contestants on the plane going to the Farmer’s Dinner or smth idk]

“Erm, why is Merlin on the plane with us?”

“He’s my plus one.”

“Arthur, this is literally a dating show.”

ok i have a dumb Merthur fic idea: Farmer Wants a Wife AU

hear me out:

Arthur is a rich bachelor who owns a farm

Merlin is his farm hand who lives in the local town

He’s been working for Arthur for 3 years- they got off on the wrong foot by insulting each other but since then have become close friends (not that either of them would admit it)

Morgana secretly signs Arthur up to the TV show Farmer Wants a Wife

Arthur has to host 4 beautiful women on his farm and take them on dates (and everything is being filmed)

Arthur starts to realise he misses Merlin- that he would rather be mucking out the stables with him, than on a boring picnic date

Maybe he kisses one of the women and realises he’s not attracted to her and he’s like Oh Shit: Sexuality Crisis

Of course some fun banter between Merlin and Arthur around the farm when they’ve stopped filming for the day- Merlin teases Arthur about the whole Wife thing

Maybe one of the women is Gwen and she Notices how much Arthur talks about Merlin, and she Notices how awful it was when Arthur kissed her, and she puts the pieces together

Maybe Arthur and Gwen become close as friends, and at some point he confides in her (off camera) and she’s like “I know.”

MAYBE ALL THE GIRLS HAVE INDEPENDENTLY FIGURED IT OUT- and they compare notes “yeah, he was SUCH a bad kisser” “definitely gay for his farm hand” AND THEY WORK TOGETHER TO COME UP WITH A PLAN TO GET ARTHUR AND MERLIN TOGETHER

Arthur doesn’t know what’s going on, but the girls keep calling in “sick” and he keeps ending up on romantic dates with Merlin???

Don’t really know how to end this, but of course they end up together, Arthur’s a good kisser when it’s Merlin he’s kissing, he remains good friends with Gwen and the girls, and they make television history

happy valentine’s 💞

sometimes i open a private browser and leave extra kudos as a guest because the fic is JUST THAT GOOD

Me: *reading a fic*

Me: that was awesome. Need to leave some kudos

Ao3: u left here kudos already

Me: are you sure?

Ao3: yes I am

Me: I just try again

Ao3: I tell you u left already

Me; ok ok don't scream at me.

Me: I will come back in few months and try again

Ao3: nothing will change!

it’s always so disappointing to see AI art on my dashboard. like, come on. I thought we all agreed to keep AI out of fandom??

“Just hold me…”

Gwaine: Merls, what's your body count?

Merlin: .........I don't know?

Arthur: what do you mean you don't know? You just going around sleeping with people?

Merlin: oh, that body count

Arthur: you killed people!?

Merlin: no comment

i do think merlin and arthur had the perfect dynamic. an episode would end with arthur being like merlin you're my closest friend and confidante and the greatest man i've ever met. and merlin would be like i'd kill and die for you we are two sides of the same coin. and then you'd start the next episode and it would begin with arthur smacking merlin upside the head and calling him an ugly peasant and merlin calling arthur a fat idiot.

can you imagine the collective rage we would all feel if the BBC decided to finally make Merlin season 6 where Arthur returns… but then they decided to give Arthur a brand new female love interest?!?

it seems like the kinda shit they would pull, those cowards, and i just know the fandom would be absolutely livid

maybe I'm dumb that it took me this long to realize but when Arthur tells Gwen he has a dream to run away and be a farmer his only frame of reference for how farmers actually live is that one time that he was in Ealdor with Merlin sleeping on his cold floor and eating porridge and he hated it, my god, did he hate it but he was also with Merlin and it's the only time he didn't have to be Prince Arthur he could just be Arthur and he remembered that feeling of being just Arthur and Merlin and he coveted it so deeply that it became his dream?????