So He's A Fragment.

I've been considering making two actually, I have one already that I periodically update, but I'm considering arranging some music for another that doesn't fling me so violently into such a headspace. The songs won't be as "fitting" for my emotions, but I'd like some I can hear that feel more comforting than validating (though having that as the main aspect is still the most important part).

Do people still make and post kin playlists, is that still something people do

Some techkin lingo 💚

You’re tired and need to rest?

You need to be plugged in and recharge or your low on battery

You’re sick?

You have a virus

You’re taking daily medication/meds because you’re sick?

You’re initiating anti-virus software

You’re taking awhile to think abt smthn?

You’re loading or your processing speed is slow

You’re hot?

Your system is overheating/your fans are on high drive

You’re super full after eating? / you can’t take in any more information abt something?

Your storage is full

You’re sleeping?

Your system is restarting/initiating an update

Among others :)) reblog and put ur suggestions!

I was able to do it! I told my friends and it was taken very well. I was still very nervous and wasn't able to look at them when I spoke, but it was taken with grace and immediately applied. I've been able to tell others as well, and am feeling quite good hearing it from others in my life.

What has surprised me is that it seems to be becoming the name I prefer to hear. It wasn't my intention, and I do still use the name I'd previously gone by, but I'm beginning to like this secondary name a bit more and have been preferring to use it instead. I applied for a job within the past 2 weeks and I used this name in my application; I would love nothing more than to have it on a nametag for regular use, to be recognized under this name.

It's surprising to me how this became such a large part of my life, and how my interactions tangle me a bit more each time I look. I'd even joked about him being cold blooded and unable to regulate body temperature, as well as needing to supplement salt due to his butterfly characteristics, and now I'm currently staring down what is definitely a POTS diagnosis, having both of those traits myself. My acceptance does make me wish to look to see how it interacts with myself, especially in terms of identity and confirmation of such. I don't see it as a bad thing at all, quite the opposite really. I think this is shaping up as something truly quite wonderful through which I may get to fully understand myself a bit better. I never really had a chance to do so before this point in time.

It almost feels as though the two of us became more similar as time went on, though I do swear to myself that I never consciously adopted his behaviors or mannerisms. It was the discovery that his arc mimicked the trauma I went through to an almost absurd degree, it's in the ways he thinks and acts and interacts with the world and others that made me very easily believe that he was neurodivergent because it hit so close to my own personal experiences, it was how I found myself having had the same sort of hobbies - I myself have a violin (though I haven't played recently, and will have to wait out an elbow injury before I can try again) and have always been an avid reader. I explored my own perception of gender through him, seeing him as a very feminine man whose femininity is never made the subject of jokes and is taken seriously, showing me a very rare glimpse of a man who looked just like myself. I felt comfortable in slightly more formal clothing, it felt like it helped to reinforce my feelings regarding my gender, though I can't say for sure whether that was before or after I developed such a strong attachment to him.

I recently got my first tattoo, near my left shoulder, and it's his wings. The artist told me she had actually been watching the series and had just gotten to his debut the night prior, leaving me to wonder whether or not she would think of me at least once as she watched, remembering that I wanted to carry him with me. It's almost completely healed and I'm very pleased with how it's come out, in spite of how dark and blotted it looked when I'd first gotten it. I'd like to get a few more, a few insects and a few awareness ribbons for my various health conditions, but he is present as my first and currently my one and only.

He represents my foray into identity, into coping, into understanding what it is that I want and am, what I want from life and what I desire most to give back. In times when the dissociative feelings kick in strongly, it feels as though there is another person with me, and that the grief I carry belongs to him rather than myself. It distances me from everything I've been carrying, and the feeling of another being present with me when I need it most is a feeling I'm afraid to conceptually lose in recovery, but I feel that I'll still carry him in less fully visible ways. In dress, in name. His, and mine.

I'm discussing this on my main blog as well but having a music special interest is so. Oh it is so perfect for us, with a healthy dose of classical and orchestral of course ✨️

The stars are calling.

I want to answer, but I don't remember how.

I don't know if I ever knew.

Far out of my reach;

I am permanently grounded.

I can do nothing but watch.

They're reflected in my eyes,

In my tears,

An answer locked away.

Are we legitimately getting. machine dysphoria

🦋

Hello all. You may call me Shai; I am 24, use he/him pronouns, and am aromantic and asexual.

I've been identifying with the kin community for roughly two years now, and have designated this blog as a space for me to explore my thoughts and feelings a bit more fully, in a judgment-free space. This blog is also where I'll collect imagery and posts that I identify with. I may occasionally post my own art as well. Some other things you may like to know about me include:

✨️ Psychological and spiritual kin - my identity as fictionkin developed as a method of processing grief and trauma, but I have leaned into the spiritual aspect as well as I find it comforting.

✨️ I am being led to believe that my kin identity is also a result of dissociation, specifically that my kintype constitutes a dissociative fragment.

✨️ Only one kin - Sh.aiapouf from H.unter x Hu.nter.

✨️ Chronically ill - I have Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and, interestingly enough, I use it to connect with my kintype. This condition is genetic and affects all systems in my body, so this is something I will continually discuss here.

✨️ This is a sideblog, my main I follow back and interact from is @/ad.hd-sh.aiapouf

While I am a bit more quiet on this blog, I am online quite frequently and am open for any type of conversation or discussion; in spite of the formality, I swear I'm friendly 💖

Tags for reference:

🦋 Musings 🦋 -> talk tag

👑 -> interior architecture for royal buildings and things that remind me of the past

❤️ -> imagery falling under the lovecore aesthetic

Hilariously, every time I do something that makes me question my kin (would he really like or do xyz?), the very act of questioning or loosely policing myself is exactly what he would have done

I must say, othercon is making me feel genuine pride and comfort in my kin identity 💖

Why is it so much more painful this time? I can barely look myself in the mirror, the disconnect is so great; the short term memory gaps seem to be less often but that's also been a new manifestation. There were definitely times in the past where I'd been jarred by the face I see in the reflection but it's never been quite like this.