Reminder That You Will Never Be Wrong For Processing And Experiencing Non/alterhumanity Different From

The nature of this blog means that it would be a fantastic place for me to catalogue my reading; it's also making me face the unfortunate reality of seeing that I don't seem to be reading very much this year..

I love being a psychological kin who later went spiritual, I love this man, I am this man, I've dissected his psyche and found myself and I was always meant to have found myself, I don't recognize myself in seeing him but I sometimes expect to see him when I look in the mirror.

I am doing the strangest, most intimate waltz with this character and I would have it no other way.

I've been thinking about gender this morning and realize that pouf played a decent role in me figuring out exactly where I am in terms of how I feel about masculinity.

As a trans man, I don't really often see men who look like me; I especially don't see men like me because I'm not planning on medical transition. Of course, I'm not disparaging those who seek it out - that's wonderful! I'm so glad that there are options for those who have debilitating dysphoria, but I personally only suffer from it on a social level. I rarely feel it otherwise, and this is the choice I feel most comfortable with. However, this comes at the cost of rarely ever seeing men like myself; practically every trans man I see is either post-transition, or is planning to do so.

And I can now say that this is what struck me so much about this character, that he had so many stereotypically feminine traits, but was still clearly recognized as a man. That we had similar body types, similar mannerisms and means of expression. It was around then that I began to play with masculine pronouns and realized how much I enjoyed them; my most comfortable and conforming outfits ended up being semi-formal wear. I can push androgyny if I really try, but the only way to be consistently read as masculine would be to cut my hair, which I refuse to do at this point. I'd had nearly buzzed hair at one point, but find I like my shoulder length hair much better.

I'm actutely aware of how the butterfly is coded as a "feminine" insect, and that was also something that initially drew me to him. I'd never seen butterflies associated with masculinity, and to this day I haven't seen anything quite like him. He really pushed me farther along in my transition than I think I would've achieved otherwise.

Yes, the hilarious karmic backlash of forcing a non-human misanthrope to live as a human, with every trait that could fit into humanity being carried along with him. The pain running down the length of my back where my wings had been, the hypermobility with joints that break far more easily, cold blue blood translating to dysautonomia, and for it to be so isolating. Something of a fitting punishment, I suppose.

Livre de la Vigne nostre Seigneur; France, 15th century; Bodleian Library, MS. Douce 134, f. 49v

I've now had two (2) dreams in the past week about pulling together my cosplay in public, help

The registration schedule for Othercon 2023 is up!

What is Othercon? It's a virtual alterhuman convention that takes place on Discord on the 2nd weekend of August. This will be our 4th year running!

⏳Staff: March 1st - April 30th

⏳Artists/dealers: May 1st - June 30th

⏳Panelists: June 1st - June 30th

⏳Attendees: July 1st - Aug 6th

⏳Convention dates: Aug 11th - 13th

If you are a panelist, then we advise not waiting until the window opens to prepare! It's best to plan ahead and have your idea ready to go so you don't miss any deadlines.

If you are an attendee, set your calendar! Lots of potential attendees are sad yearly from missing registration.

La Sainte-Chapelle in Paris, France - 2010

Telling myself that some of the violent sadness I'm feeling is a result of it being so late at night already, but I can't help but feel that there may be something more to it

Tomorrow marks the two year anniversary of me publicly using the name Shai for myself and I'm already beginning to feel emotional about it..