Weeping Mary.

Paul Eluard, “Absence”, Selected Poems (trans. Gilbert Bowen)

[Text ID: “My voice discovering you”]

concept: a chapter in trk where gansey gets his wisdom teeth removed and the gang is with him while the anesthesia wears off gansey, through the gauze in his mouth: “adam… adam you’re so beautiful. you’re like a starfish.” with emotion: “adam i told the doctor that if you ever needed an organ it had to be mine… it has to be mine….”

“RONAN….” “don’t.” “RONAN….” “come on.” “RONAN….” “[sighs] gansey.” gansey smiles serenely and dozes off for 5 whole seconds. “i wish blue were here.” “gansey, i’m sitting next to you.” “ronan, call her.” “i’m here. you’re holding my hand.” “ronan is she picking up????” gansey punches random numbers on his phone. “is this the organ bank??? i’m an organ donor but i want them to go to adam parrish specifically. if adam doesn’t want them give them to noah because he has no organs.” “[dryly] thanks, gansey.” (adam and noah, in unison)

“You each get your own private room.”

You fools. You think this will stop me, a fanfic writer, from writing those OTP moments? The gay is only beginning, my friends.

Please consider:

- “I had to jump three balconies and crawl up two flights to see you”

- “I’m stuck in the stairwell to your room because there’s another couple making out and they’ll spot me”

- “our rooms are right next to each other but we still text all the time”

- “you live down the hall from me and it’s only now that I’m realizing that you have the cutest pajamas ever”

- “you play shitty music at 3 in the morning and I’m not afraid to kill you”

- “you’ve been reading those notes out loud for the past four hours and I’m just listening in because I’m learning more from you than I did the entire two weeks of lessons”

- “dude you’ve been playing sad music for the past three days are you okay”

- “I’m the stress baker and you’re the stress eater and we’re always stressed so we end up become best friends”

- “I tried to do laundry for the first time ever and it looked easy but now there’s soap everywhere and all my white clothes are pink will you stop laughing and help me please”

- “we’re study partners before we moved into the dorms so we don’t change anything but we do find out that everyone else thinks we’re dating so they end up leaving us alone to study how convenient”

- “someone keeps stealing my favorite socks and when I find out who I’m going to strangle them with their shoelaces”

- “someone through the gaudiest pair of shoes up on the roof who in their right mind would wear those - oh they’re YOUR shoes?”

- “I ran out of hygiene supplies so I’m borrowing yours but I keep forgetting to buy more so we always share but I end up liking you a lot so I always say I ‘forgot to buy more’ and I think you’ve caught on but you’re not saying anything”

- “I have twelve tons of homework I kept putting off but you’ve had yours done for weeks but you won’t let me copy so I have to sneak into your room for the answers and wow you really love weird socks”

- “you keep burning candles and the smell keeps drifting over to me and I’d usually be fine with that but you have a terrible taste in candles”

Guys this is our chance for every single “dorm room shenanigans” thing EVER

holy youth: uknown models for vogue it dec. 2018

fleabag is very good

The Mirror

The Seeker

The Magician

The Dreamer

The Ghost

THE GANGSEY

So we have a lot of ‘Sirius is beautiful and my word does he know it, his hair is his favourite thing and he revels in the glory of his own splendour’.

But I’m just laughing at the idea of a completely oblivious Sirius who is too busy being hyperactive to ever pay any real attention to what he looks like in the mirror- I mean the boy brushes his teeth sat on the counter chatting rapid fire to the others (much to ‘Fuck Mornings, Fuck You, Fuck Everything’ Remus’s ire), or bouncing around the dorm flinging stuff in his bag. He doesn’t ever really brush his hair- there’s a charm to do that, and then he doesn’t actually have to watch what he’s doing because who has time to actually look at their hair? And it all gets in his fucking face anyway- he keeps it long partially because his mother claims it looks unruly and partially because he just can’t be fucked getting it cut, but one evening in the common room he’s tucking it behind his ears to do his Transfiguration for the 7th time in quarter of an hour and angrily says he’s just going to chop it all off, and there are literally about 15 people around the room (including Remus) who just go ‘NO!’ and then look really awkward but he can not cut it- just that casual elegant way it falls into his eyes and it’s all wavy and silky and so so so pretty, and Lily comes to the aid of Remus like ‘Well Muggle mythology says there was this lion called Sampson, and when they cut off his mane he lost his power. So you shouldn’t cut it off- it’s unlucky. Here, have a hairband.’ and he thinks it’s very odd behaviour but like Ok, fine, people are weird.

And he knows he’s charming because he charms people all the time, and he’s a massive flirt but that’s just because he likes people and it makes him happy to talk to people in a way that makes them feel good about themselves, and it makes him happy to see the smiles and bitten lips and slight flushes that say they’re flattered because it’s nice to make people feel good (except Snape, obviously), and if it means he can worm his way out of detention or get drinks for him and the lads at The Three Broomsticks then so much the better, but he just does not understand why not everyone finds it as easy as he does? Like he tells Peter to get the next round in, tells him what to say to Rosie to get her to forget they’re 16, and Pete comes back really dejected like ‘I said what you told me and it didn’t work’. And Sirius is really confused by this like ‘What, but you said the exact same thing I just said?’

And really why do girls giggle so much? Do they do that all the time? Why? At least Evans is normal, but some of the others actually freak him out a bit, and truth be told sometimes the blokes are no better. And it becomes a massive inside thing, especially amongst the Gryffindors, like ‘Someone should tell him he’s a fucking adonis.’ ‘What? No way! His ego’s just fine as is- don’t inflate it any more.’ ‘But he’s so pretty it’s just wrong for him not to realise.’ ‘No! If you tell him, maybe he’ll turn really picky…’ ‘You do realise he is so picky already that he has literally never had a girlfriend?’ ‘Oh come on, he’s been pining after Remus Lupin for years!’

And it’s just something that’s never really occurred to him- to be bothered about what he looks like. Maybe it’s so many years of an abusive home being looked at like he’s dirt, but he’s got a remarkable resistance and ignorance towards the way people look at him, good or bad. And it’s only really Remus who breaks past that. Because he’s got such eerily perceptive eyes, it’s just like he’s looking right into your soul, and it’s sort of uncomfortable and it makes his skin go all crawly but he loves it- it’s a sort of adrenaline rush to feel so totally exposed, and he feels like Remus likes what he sees when he looks at him like that. He feels valued and important and special, like the way it makes him smile to make other people feel, only so much more intense, and when, eventually, Remus is brushing that bloody fucking hair out of his eyes and down his cheek and says he’s beautiful, he feels like maybe he is. And it’s got absolutely nothing to do with the way he looks in the mirror.

sometimes you just.. fuck a demon. have a one-night stand w/ an age-old malevolent entity. maybe even sometimes that blossoms into more. life's just like that, occasionally. like that's just how it is