— Thanksgiving 2006, Ocean Vuong, From 'Night Sky With Exit Wounds'

Wastefulness

I don’t

know

I don’t know

how to stop

Stop the tears from falling

Stop the fears from showing

Stop a life from being wasted

Please stop me

Stop me from wasting my life

Stop wasting a life on me

"There are many things that we would throw away if we were not afraid that others might pick them up."

-Oscar Wilde; The Picture of Dorian Gray

I take a photo with the old camera out of my mum’s drawer

A quick shot of life

One short silent depiction of how I view the world

I like the old films

Colours not too bright

I’m not good at photography either

Smudged pictures on 15mm

Too orange, too yellow, too bright

I like looking at people, like capturing how life is for them

I don’t like being near them

I like myself on black and white film

It’s staying up at night

Listening to the ticking of the clock,

the sounds from outside.

It's being distracted for just a short time

by the light of the streetlight

shining through the carelessly closed shutters

It’s hoping not having to face the next day

It’s numbing fear

Waking up the next morning,

starting the day with newfound motivation

It’s creeping up throughout the day

Doing the dishes,

writing an essay,

drinking coffee

And suddenly it’s there

the unbearable heaviness of girlhood / Su Xinyu / Lucie Brock-Broido

— Mary Oliver, from Blue Horses, "Little Crazy Love Song"

“Do not confuse my bad days as a sign of weakness. Those are actually the days I’m fighting the hardest.”

— Unknown

Hermann Hesse (1877-1962), Wandering: Notes and Sketches

-Zoë Lianne