“I Am Death Itself, Defeated One, And I Have Finally Caught Up To You.”

Teft… he is so… I… what a tragic, beautiful man…

We love how Calder dies so Shera gets to say she killed the emperor twice, then he just… gets over it.

im aware this is an insane thing to say but i fucking. love characters that are just cockroaches. and i dont mean like. gross i mean they just do not fucking die. they can survive anything. they will outlive EVERYONE because they just will not die no matter what be it because they have a reason or because they literally cannot stop surviving the odds i love it i love it

When you look at Dalinar as a man, in his entirety, he is the perfect Bondsmith. His Honor and Passion mediated by Growth and Understanding. Were Odium not the enemy, Dalinar could have - probably would have - been able to be sponsored by all three gods of Roshar????

Seriously, looking at the Oathbringer flashbacks, this man must have had Odium kicking his feet. He charmed Cultivation and well- literally is chosen by Honor.

Had some people commenting that it’s not a true Conlang-!!! And you’re like so right lmao. It’s closer to a translation cipher akin to Brainfuck.

This is for one very very simple reason: usability. This was made with the primary intention of being a fun, cool thing for the community to use and interact with. Basing the language on English as opposed to making a wholly unique language lowers the barrier for usability immensely. Which is like! The goal!!

So… I may or may not have written an entire Conlang based on a single joke in Minecraft Parkour Civilization 2. That would be ridiculous. Aha. Hahahaha. Ha.

*cough*

A Quick Guide to Writing in Parkour

Flourish List.

You add these in front of blocks to change their meaning. There’s a key at the bottom containing the Parkour alphabet which demonstrates how the space, 180°, 360°, and 720° Flourishes are used to refer to specific English-Letter analogs.

_ = Space

C = 180° Flourish = 5 spaces

O = 360° Flourish = 10 spaces

8 = 720° Flourish = 20 spaces

? = Reverse = Reverses input

^ = Vertical Jump = Raises Intensity

v = Drop = Lowers Intensity

Block List.

These are the building blocks (lmfao) of the language and are what would be counted as an “input” or “letter”. Also included are short legends under each block describing what each flourish does to each block!

(Note! _,C,O, and 8 cannot be applied to any block other than [ ] and H)

[ ] = Block = Grammatical Value

(?[ ] = Capitalized)

(^[ ] = Impassioned)

(v[ ] = Depressed)

H = Fence = Numerical Value

(?H = Negative)

(^H = Exponential)

(vH = Square Root)

u = Pot = Period

(?u = Comma)

(^u = Hyphen/Equality)

(vu = Parentheses)

I = Pane = Question

(?I = Exclamation)

(^I = Command)

(vI = Sarcasm)

% = Brewing Stand = Addition

(?% = Subtraction)

(^% = Multiplication)

(v% = Division)

Alphabet

a = [ ]

b = _[ ]

c = __[ ]

ch = ___[ ]

d = ____[ ]

e = C[ ]

f = _C[ ]

g = __C[ ]

h = ___C[ ]

i = ____C[ ]

j = O[ ]

l = _O[ ]

m = __O[ ]

n = ___O[ ]

o = ____O[ ]

p = OC[ ]

r = _OC[ ]

s = __OC[ ]

sh = ___OC[ ]

t = ____OC[ ]

th = 8[ ]

u = _8[ ]

v = __8[ ]

w = __8[ ]

x = ___8[ ]

y = ____8[ ]

Numbers

0 = H

1 = _H

2 = __H

3 = ___H

4 = ____H

5 = CH

6 = _CH

7 = __CH

8 = ___CH

9 = ____CH

Now that you have all the tools, let’s put it all together~!

————————————

?8[ ]____C[ ]__OC[ ] ____C[ ]__OC[ ] OC[ ][ ]_OC[ ]__[ ]____O[ ]_8[ ]_OC[ ]?%

____C## + _## ^u _###

?C[ ][ ]____OC[ ] 8[ ]C[ ] _OC[ ]___C[ ]___[ ]^I

————————————

Big thanks to my friend PrismaticKoi for giving me the idea and helping me figure this all out! Working with her made this process super fun!!!

Enjoy Parkour-!!! I’ll be coding an English<—>Parkour translator at some point, so stick around to find that!!

All of you need to go watch Minecraft Parkour Civilization though. It’s seriously fantastic.

TRUE!! I’m like. I’m like “oh my God no way I actually know what’s happening this time.”

Average Cosmere aware rereading of The Stormlight Archive

You know actually I’m on Pattern’s side now. Shallan’s being an asshole and needs to talk to him.

P…. Pattern… I don’t think I can handle this. What the fuck.

Hey so I’m scared now

I’m on early Rhythm of War, no one spoil future stuff!!!

I’m genuinely baffled what the hell Shallan is suppressing that could possibly be worse than what she already remembers. Like. What. What the fuck. How.

a. he did.

Oh Dalinar you didn’t, did you. Please tell me you didn’t.

Wind and Truth Spoilers (Maybe)

Yeah so I’m like… 90% sure Taravangian!Odium is going to elect like- some total innocent as his champion. I don’t remember he or Dalinar imposing any like… restrictions on who could be chosen as a champion. So like… while there’s a chance it’s a powerful Fused, I think a more surefire bet would be something akin to a Singer child. A sickly, frail Singer child. A blind sickly Singer child with no parents. Taravangian listened to Dalinar rant about “journey matching the destination” so many times. It’s uh! Yeah. I’m worried for our man.