You Might Feel Insecure About Yourself And Doubt Your Abilities But Just Know That There Is One Person

Getting two likes when you share a piece of your writing while that shit post you made at 3am gets 200 notes really is a different kind of pain. We need to reblog each others writing more. Much much more.

This remembers me of him....

You know what sucks? Not only do I constantly want to see you and hug you and talk to you, I constantly want to talk about you to whoever will listen. I want to talk about how I miss you and want to see you. I want to ask people how you’re doing and what you’re up to. It sucks and I hate it.

flower language prompts ˗ˏˋ꒰ 🐚 ꒱

❀ calla lily (beauty) — “you’re so beautiful.”

❀ aloe (affection, also grief) — “i miss them so much.”

❀ basil (good wishes) — “i just want the best for you.”

❀ begonia (beware) — “just be careful, okay?”

❀ gardenia (secret love) — “i don’t love you any less just because no one else can see it.”

❀ red chrysanthemum (i love you) — “i love you. please don’t forget that.”

❀ red columbine (anxiety) — “can you hold my hand? please?”

❀ daffodil (unequaled love) — “no one will ever come close to you.”

❀ edelweiss (courage, devotion) — “touch them again and i promise, it will be the last thing you ever do.”

❀ candytuft (indifference) — “i said that i didn’t care, but i lied.”

❀ holly (domestic happiness) — “i never want to leave this bed.”

❀ myrtle (marriage) — “i can’t believe it. we’re really married!”

❀ oak (strength) — “you’re stronger than you think.”

❀ aster (symbol of love, daintiness) — “i’m not fragile, y’know.”

❀ arborvitae (unchanging friendship) — “i’ll always be here for you, no matter what.”

❀ blue salvia (i think of you) — “here. this made me think of you.”

❀ yarrow (everlasting love) — “i don’t think i’ll ever stop loving you.”

devi: the goddess within

i have often heard people refer to women as devi insisting on their divinity. but often the implications are about Sati or Sita; the ones who perform sacrifices as their earthly duties. but what if she’s not?

what if she’s a mere human with many many faults and flaws that she works on diligently? what if instead of being single dimensional, she’s kaleidoscopic? what if she’s wrathful like Chandi but also demure like Gauri? what if she’s the source of life like Aditi but also dwells in cremation grounds like Kali? what if she’s wise like Saraswati but also possesses immense beauty like Laxmi?

if you really think about it, perhaps her dharma is only to figure out her life and honor her own light. perhaps, the reason she exists is for herself but she chooses to welcome others and love them. perhaps, she is the embodiment of all the devis; but on her own terms, just how she wants to be.

I pleaded for more from him-more time to write about him and more days to learn about his passions for people, music and the art-but all he gave me was a bar of chocolate.

How am i supposed to say no?

On the topic of my best friend… my little sister told me that she thinks I’ll marry him one day, and even though I don’t think we’re in love even though we love each other, that we will one day.

I asked her why she thought that, because if a kid can say with such confidence you’re going to marry your best friend, you want to know what they’ve noticed. She listed off a bunch of reasons, like how we always spend time together, we’re comfortable together, we both are artists, we make each other happy and we feel safe when we’re around each other and how we both show up for the important things in each other’s lives.

And I get that maybe those all sound like healthy friendship things, and they are. But she isn’t the first person in my life to point out that my best friend and I are great together. We have strangers ask us how long we’ve been together, we had someone comment on how beautiful it was that we were on our art journey together and assumed we lived together, we’ve had co-workers ask about how we met and how long we’ve been together. I had a coworker tell me that she lived out dynamic and could see the way we supported each other, responded to each other and communicated without words, basically, the way we understood each other so perfectly. We have a friend from highschool who tells me constantly that she thinks we should be together by now, and asks me every time I see her if I’m dating him yet, to which I just laugh and shrug “we’re best friends”. My mum told me that he has more commitment and dedication than a friend, and doesn’t understand why we haven’t ever gone after more. She also commented to grandmother once that my best friend, was in fact, “grandson in law material”. My uncle told me over a coffee that he doubted he wanted to just be friends, that he was probably already in love with me.

And between the hugs that linger a little too long and are just a little too tight, and the walking so close that our arms are brushing but we’d never hold hands, and the comfortable silence yet knowing that no matter how long we talk for, we’d never run out of things to say, and the the casual “love you” at the end of every phone call, that maybe we accidentally became perfect lovers. And I thought maybe it was just me that had the temptation to pursue it, because adults have too much life experience and bias so how could I trust them when they say “I think he likes you more than a friend”. But my sister said it, and she’s not even 10 yet, and kids don’t lie about that, they don’t see love in places it isn’t.

So I guess I laughed a little, at her bold assumption, but really, it’s just the straw that broke the camels back and made me see, it’s always been him.

so I got into grad school today with my shitty 2.8 gpa and the moral of the story is reblog those good luck posts for the love of god

REBLOG IF THIS RELATES TO YOU:

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