In Which Diversity Isn't A Myth

One of the best tips for writing descriptions of pain is actually a snippet I remember from a story where a character is given a host of colored pencils and asked to draw an egg.

The character says that there’s no white pencil.  But you don’t need a white pencil to draw a white egg.  We already know the egg is white.  What we need to draw is the luminance of the yellow lamp and the reflection of the blue cloth and the shadows and the shading.

We know a broken bone hurts.  We know a knife wound hurts.  We know grief hurts.  Show us what else it does.

You don’t need to describe the character in pain.  You need to describe how the pain affects the character - how they’re unable to move, how they’re sweating, how they’re cold, how their muscles ache and their fingers tremble and their eyes prickle.

Draw around the egg.  Write around the pain.  And we will all be able to see the finished product.

How it feels to be stabbed

Getting stabbed is an experience that no one in their right mind would want to have. But, what if you do get stabbed? What would that feel like?

It usually feels like you’re being punched.

The description of being punched really hard comes up a lot when people describe the experience. One woman said she didn’t even realize she was being stabbed, she just thought her attacker was punching her as hard as he could. Many people don’t feel the actual puncturing, just the force of the knife hitting them.

You might feel nothing at all.

This wasn’t as common as the feeling of being hit, but some people said they literally felt nothing. One person said they felt nothing, but their brain started racing and their fight or flight kicked in. Another didn’t realize someone stabbed them until they saw that they were bleeding profusely.

Occasionally, it feels like you got shocked.

A few stab wound survivors described it as a very quick, but powerful, electric shock. One person described it as static electricity, while another said it was like lightening hitting them. The pain of the initial shock goes away as quickly as it occurred.

Eventually, over time,  it’s probably going to hurt.

Of course the location of the stab wound effects how much it would hurt. Getting stabbed in the arm isn’t going to hurt as badly as a stab that punctured a lung. But after a while, you will most likely feel some pain. If the person wiggles the knife while it’s still in you, the pain may be more intense.

The Editing Agenda: Those Darn Dashes

When it comes to formatting and punctuation issues, hyphens and dashes take the cake. Their use in books is incredibly inconsistent, which leads to a lot of confusion for anyone trying to learn them. This article will give a thorough breakdown of each kind and their uses as they pertain to fiction. Keep in mind that the rules I’m covering are the ones that are the most beneficial for fiction writing—there are some that won’t be addressed in this post. And all rules mentioned are based on The Chicago Manual of Style, 16th Edition.

Hyphens

Phrasal Adjectives

Phrasal adjectives are a short group of words (usually two but sometimes three or more) that link together to modify another noun. They typically precede the noun and are very common in fiction writing.

Example 1: rose-colored glasses

Example 2: four-chambered heart

A fantastic resource for this can be found on The Chicago Manual of Style website: http://www.chicagomanualofstyle.org/16/images/ch07_tab01.pdf

This chart shows you the breakdown of various combinations of adjectives and how they should be punctuated, including permanently hyphenated words and exceptions. The CMOS advises following Merriam-Webster’s dictionary for determining which words and phrases should always be hyphenated. Some of examples of this are the words life-form, run-down (not to be confused with rundown, which holds a different meaning), and short-lived.

Compound Name

Hyphens are also used for compound names, including surnames, first names, and other names.

Example 1: Merriam-Webster

Example 2: Mary-Kay

Example 3: Theta-Gamma

Word Division

The most common word division breaks where you’d find hyphens would be line breaks, syllable breaks (often used for pronunciation purposes), and prefixes and suffixes. Which isn’t all that common in fiction writing. However, you will often see it in dialogue, particularly with stuttering.

Example: “W-w-where’d you l-l-leave it?” Tom asked.

Separators

Hyphens can also be used to separate letters and numbers. That’s that type of thing you see with phone numbers, ID numbers, and the like. However, a great use for separation hyphens in fiction writing if when have a word that you need to spell out completely or partially.

Example: The sign read: “C-A-U-T.” The rest had long worn off.

En Dashes

Dates, Times, and Page Numbers

The en dash’s main purpose is to replace the word to. The most typical occurrence of this would be with dates, times, and page numbers.

Example 1: He held office from 1929–1932.

Example 2: The event is Saturday, 2:30p.m.–4:30p.m.

Example 3: Tonight’s assignment is to read pages 32–45.

You also might see this with scoring/votes and with an unfinished number range.

Example 4: We won our last game 13–2.

Example 5: The magazine (2003–) has produced six volumes so far.

However, you should always use the word “to” instead of an en dash if “from” precedes the range.

Example 6: He joined us from 11a.m. to 12p.m. but had to leave for lunch after that.

Directions and Compound Adjectives

En dashes are also sometimes used with words, as can be the case with directions.

Example 1: I took the London–Paris train last week.

And sometimes—very rarely—an en dash is used with compound adjectives. This is where it gets tricky because the intended meaning can often get muddled by using this method, so it’s usually best to reword and find a more elegant solution when possible.

Example 2a: I’d like to find more Taylor Swift–style music.

Example 2b: I’d like to find more artists like Taylor Swift.

Version 2b of the above example flows much better and is less confusing than the first, so it’s definitely the better choice.

And with two sets of compound adjectives where the sets are acting as coordinate adjectives to each other, a comma is the best option.

Example 3: This run-down, high-maintenance property will end up costing a lot of money.

Universities

The last use of en dashes is one that you probably won’t find in most fiction writing, but it’s useful to know nonetheless. You will sometimes find universities with multiple campus locations using an en dash to include the location name.

Example: I put my application in for Fordham University–Westchester.

Em Dashes

Em dashes are used to set off phrases and clauses in a manuscript that require an abrupt break, either to draw attention to it or because there is a large shift in the train of thought. This is one of the most useful tools an author has in fiction writing when it’s used correctly and sparingly. Note that em dashes should NOT be substituted with ellipses; the two serve different purposes.

Em Dashes vs. Ellipses

Em dashes are used for interruption or to set off an explanatory element. An ellipsis is used to indicate hesitation or trailing off.

Example 1: “Lucy, where did you put—”

“It’s none of your business!” Lucy shouted from the other room.

Example 2: I stumbled down the stairs—the power had gone out earlier that evening—before I found my way to the bathroom.

Example 3: “I don’t know…” I admitted. “I hadn’t really thought much about it.”

Interrupted Thoughts

Sometimes the interruptions can come in the form of narrative thoughts.

Example: Justin’s feet pounded against the ground as he blazed down the trail. Awesome. If he kept up the pace, he’d beat—a tree root caught his foot, and he was sent sprawling into the dirt.

And if you have a character that is having trouble forming a sentence due to the circumstances at hand and/or heighted emotions, em dashes can be used to indicate stammering between words (not syllables).

Example: “What I meant was—why can’t we—oh, just forget it,” Julie spat out.

Words and Phrases

An em dash can also be used to set off noun or pronoun at the beginning of the sentence.

Example: Cowards—they were the ones who sought power.

Another common use for the em dash is before the phrases “namely,” “that is,” “for example,” and others similar to those.

Example: We spent most of the afternoon in the garden—that is, until the heat got to be unbearable.

Note: You should never use em dashes within or immediately following an element that already has a set of em dashes. Not only would this look terrible aesthetically, but it could also cause potential misinterpretation.

Interrupted Dialogue

The last use of em dashes for fiction is probably one of the trickiest, but it can also be the most useful. If you have a line of dialogue that is split up by an action in the middle, you can use em dashes to set off that action.

Example 1: “Well, the thing is”—Tommy quickly turned his attention to his feet—“it’s just not working out between us.”

Note that the em dashes go outside of the quotation marks in such a case, and the quotation is a continuous line of dialogue that is being split. The first word of the dialogue after the split should be lowercase. You can’t use this method if you have two separate sentences that have an action in between. In that situation, you’d use periods.

Example 2: “You really mean it.” I could hear my voice catch in my throat. “I just don’t understand what happened.

Two-Em Dash

One type of em dashes that is not commonly used in fiction writing that is probably my favorite is the 2-em dash. The 2-em dash is used to omit words or parts of words that are missing or illegible, or to conceal a name. Two em dashes are most useful for the genres of fantasy, thriller, and mystery, where characters might come across documents that have damage to them. The example below is from a snippet of a work in progress of mine: book one of the Ansakerr series.

My dearest I——,                                                                        

If you are reading this, I have long since p—— away. I can only pray that my —— box and this letter have fallen into your hands and your hands alone. There is much you have yet learn to about me. There is still a D——k O—— out there, one more dangerous than you can imagine. For now, you are protected, but be on your toes, my girl. One day soon, I fear the p—— will fade, and you’ll need to be ready. He is coming.

The key will lead you to A——. It will hold the answers you’re looking for.

Deepest love and affection,

Grandma Bea

Notice that most of the missing parts are for key elements, including names, places, and very specific items that are clearly key for the plot. If you craft these parts well, you can purposely mislead a reader in the narrative, giving a bit of a twist to your story.                                                                                  

Formatting and Stylistic Use

No spaces should be used around hyphens or dashes except in the case of the 2-em dash when it is being used to completely omit a word. This is probably the most common error regarding formatting of hyphens and dashes that I come across. Though there is some debate about spacing among various sources, the CMOS is pretty clear about it. But again, as with anything else in writing, consistency is the most important.

As for formatting the different dashes, mainstream word processors include symbols for each that you can insert into your document. In fact, some of them even automatically convert two hyphens used together into an em dash. While most publishers will accept em dashes in the form of two hyphens (in fact, some even request that you submit manuscripts that way), when it comes to actual printing and online publishing of the material, you’ll want to make sure they’re replaced. Your document will look more professional when you use the correct symbol, and your readers will likely notice as well.

Tip: To quickly find and replace any stray instances of two hyphens with an em dash symbol, use your word processors Replace function.

Lastly, when it comes to use with other punctuation, a question mark or an exclamation mark can precede an em dash, but never a comma, colon, or semicolon. In other words, if you use an em dash where one of the latter punctuation marks would typically be used, the dash takes the place of the punctuation.

Example: He bent down to tie his shoe—but he stopped when he saw Alyssa approaching.

Color Synonyms

White

also: pale; blanched; sallow; pallid; waxen; spectral; translucent; albino; 

Grey

also: dust; stone; pepper;  

Black

also:  coal; slate; dusky; ebon; shadow; murky; 

Tan

also: flesh; khaki; cream; tawny; 

Brown

also:  henna; russet; sepia; chestnut; cocoa; drab; bronze; 

Red

also: terracotta ; rouge; carmine;  fire-engine; ruddy

Orange

also:  pumpkin ; rust ; 

Yellow

also: sunny; amber; saffron; hay; straw; platinum; 

Green

also: viridescent; grass; jade; forest; 

Blue

also: turquoise; cyan; ultramarine; royal; aqua; aquamarine;

Purple

also: berry;  amaranthine;

Pink

also: flushed; candy; cherry blossom; petal pink ; 

—– source: http://ingridsundberg.com/

—–additional synonyms added by me

Fear Elements for Your Fiction

Places Creepy places make atmospheric fiction settings.

Is there a place that makes you feel cold? Are you terrified of walking a certain path, especially in the dark?

Recall a scary dream. Where did that dream take place?

Wierd Shudders Are you frightened of something that others people consider harmless?

The sight of long fingernails, the sound of nails scraping on a blackboard. Moths and butterflies flying in your face?

If you have a shudder that makes you feel low-key creeped out in daily life write about it.

Phobias Many people of phobias about particular objects and situations. If you have a phobias, try writing about it.

Childhood Fears Whether the danger was true or imagined, the fear you experienced in your childhood was probably intense.

What if there really was a monster under your bed?

Gian black steam engines, the blue glow of an automatic door lock, the gaping hole of an empty closet?

Dreams Do you have a recurring nightmare? Something that makes you wake up with sweat?

Human Attitudes What are some things that people do that you find scary or creepy?

Unbending bureaucracy? Bullying? People consuming others' pain for entertainment? Hating others in the name of religion?

Use fiction to address these issues.

Ordinary Things Look around the ordinary things around you and ask - what if they aren't as harmless as they seem?

Metal pins on my bulletin board? Windows? The TV? A potted tomato slowly withering?

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great ways to get injured solo

Sometimes another person is involved, but the truly talented whumpee can do it all on their own:

Falling out of a tree. Leads to broken bones, bruises from hitting other branches, and concussions

Food poisoning. Enough said.

Ice over a lake cracking. Full submersion leads to hypothermia. Or just a foot in the water leads to a bad case of frostbite

Animal bites. The ragged edges are hard to sew up leading to scarring. They get infected so easily, leading to fever and a long slow recovery

Snake bites. The properties of snake venom vary depending on the snake’s usual prey and predators. This means they offer a wide variety of symptoms to whump your characters with

Spider bites. See above.

Car accident. So many options. Bruising, internal bleeding, broken bones, bloody nose, whiplash, trauma, etc.

Being thrown from a horse. The old-school version of a car accident

So you know when you're writing a scene where the hero is carrying an injured person and you realize you've never been in this situation and have no idea how accurate the method of transportation actually is?

Oh boy, do I have a valuable resource for you!

Here is a PDF of the best ways to carry people depending on the situation and how conscious the injured person needs to be for the carrying position.

Literally a life saver.

(No pun intended.)

1930’s Slang Reference

I just thought I’d whip this up for any rp'ers who might find it useful :)

Abercrombie- a know it all

All wet- no good

Aces, snazzy, nobby, smooth, swell, keen- very good

Ameche, horn, blower- telephone

Babe, broad, dame, doll, frail, twist, muffin, kitten- names for women

Bean shooter, gat, rod, roscoe, heater, convincer- gun

Beat- broke

Bleed- to blackmail

Blow your wig- become very excited

Booze, hooch, giggle juice, mule- whiskey

Brodie- a mistake

Bulge- advantage

Bumping gums, booshwash- talking about nothing useful

Cabbage, lettuce, kale, folding green, long green, Suds, salad, dough, moolah, rhino- money

Cave- one’s home

Chisel- swindle or cheat

Clip joint- Night club or gambling joint where patrons get screwed

Crumb, fink- loser

Crust- to insult

Curve- a disappointment

Dig- think hard or understand

Doggy- well dressed but in a self concious way

Doss- sleep

Drilling, plugging, throwing lead, filling someone with daylight, giving someone lead poisoning- shooting at someone

Grifter- con man or woman

Make tracks, dangle- leave quickly

Packing heat, wearing iron- carrying a gun

Shake a leg- hurry up

Snipe- cigarette

Togged to the bricks- dressed up

Take a powder, blow, split, scram, drift- leave

Trip for biscuits- a pointless task

Twit- fool or idiot

Showing 'Anger' in Writing

Clenched fists and knuckles turning white.

Eyes narrowing to slits, brows furrowed.

Jaw muscles tensing visibly.

Speaking through gritted teeth.

Taking deep, sharp breaths.

Pacing back and forth, unable to stay still.

Pointing a finger accusingly.

Voice raising to a shout or a growl.

Kicking or punching nearby objects.

Lips pressed together in a thin line.

Rapid, agitated movements.

Slamming doors or throwing objects.

Standing with arms crossed tightly.

Glaring intensely without blinking.

Face turning red or flushed.

Breathing heavily and erratically.

Snapping at others for minor things.

Shaking with barely contained rage.

Muttering or growling under their breath.

Eyes blazing with fury.

10 Non-Lethal Injuries to Add Pain to Your Writing

New Part: 10 Lethal Injury Ideas

If you need a simple way to make your characters feel pain, here are some ideas: 

1. Sprained Ankle

A common injury that can severely limit mobility. This is useful because your characters will have to experience a mild struggle and adapt their plans to their new lack of mobiliy. Perfect to add tension to a chase scene.

2. Rib Contusion

A painful bruise on the ribs can make breathing difficult, helping you sneak in those ragged wheezes during a fight scene. Could also be used for something sport-related! It's impactful enough to leave a lingering pain but not enough to hinder their overall movement.

3. Concussions

This common brain injury can lead to confusion, dizziness, and mood swings, affecting a character’s judgment heavily. It can also cause mild amnesia.

I enjoy using concussions when you need another character to subtly take over the fight/scene, it's an easy way to switch POVs. You could also use it if you need a 'cute' recovery moment with A and B.

4. Fractured Finger

A broken finger can complicate tasks that require fine motor skills. This would be perfect for characters like artists, writers, etc. Or, a fighter who brushes it off as nothing till they try to throw a punch and are hit with pain.

5. Road Rash

Road rash is an abrasion caused by friction. Aka scraping skin. The raw, painful sting resulting from a fall can be a quick but effective way to add pain to your writing. Tip: it's great if you need a mild injury for a child.

6. Shoulder Dislocation

This injury can be excruciating and often leads to an inability to use one arm, forcing characters to confront their limitations while adding urgency to their situation. Good for torture scenes.

7. Deep Laceration

A deep laceration is a cut that requires stitches. As someone who got stitches as a kid, they really aren't that bad! A 2-3 inch wound (in length) provides just enough pain and blood to add that dramatic flair to your writing while not severely deterring your character.

This is also a great wound to look back on since it often scars. Note: the deeper and wider the cut the worse your character's condition. Don't give them a 5 inch deep gash and call that mild.

8. Burns

Whether from fire, chemicals, or hot surfaces, burns can cause intense suffering and lingering trauma. Like the previous injury, the lasting physical and emotional trauma of a burn is a great wound for characters to look back on.

If you want to explore writing burns, read here.

9. Pulled Muscle

This can create ongoing pain and restrict movement, offering a window to force your character to lean on another. Note: I personally use muscle related injuries when I want to focus more on the pain and sprains to focus on a lack of mobility.

10. Tendonitis

Inflammation of a tendon can cause chronic pain and limit a character's ability to perform tasks they usually take for granted. When exploring tendonitis make sure you research well as this can easily turn into a more severe injury.

This is a quick, brief list of ideas to provide writers inspiration. Since it is a shorter blog, I have not covered the injuries in detail. This is inspiration, not a thorough guide. Happy writing! :)

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