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Recently one of my favorite pieces of media featured a character brought back to life with the exclamation of EMPTY! empty empty empty EMPTY!
It resonated harder than it should’ve to be honest
because I feel like that
I feel like I’ve been killed by life
by friends who should've been
family that wasn't
lovers who refused to be
My soul, exsanguinated by those who said they would cherish it
My dreams scooped out of my skull by harsh words and harsher realities of funding and conditional love and security
My wonder pulled from my chest by the same hands I once placed my stained glass heart into
My skin sensitive not from angry and rash touches but from the lack of any love at all
And its left me Empty
Left me feeling like the only things left are the strands of the person I once was and tried so hard to be tying me to a life that I don’t really want.
I tried to cut those strings
those delicate blue strings running the lengths of my arms and legs and release the hot red magic held within them
tried to free myself
tried to leave on gossamer wings
but it didn’t work
it failed
i failed.
So I stopped trying, I now bleed on pages instead of pillows and try to find those wings within me and let them free without letting them see the light. I try to leave those strings be and let them puppet me towards a life I want to lead instead of one I want to leave.
I still feel like there’s only strings within me, but at least I stopped trying to cut them
Now I pick up the pieces of my shattered stained glass heart and use yet more silver to weld it back together and try to believe what they say, that broken things fixed are just as beautiful if not more for the proof of recovery
And if I can do it
Maybe you can too
Maybe we both can one day look up and realize that those strings weren’t trapping us, but leading us to our destinies like red strings of fate tying us to happiness and a future that we can’t yet see