Latest Posts by decrepitasylum - Page 2

i wish everyone would shut the fuck up

well, mom now knows about the scars on my upper arm (which are deep styros and barely baby beans) and oh yay.

she seems these as "too far" (she thinks some should've had stitches. like no? they weren't deep enough for that)

i had to explain to her that I don't care how this affects others (like, you're not being physically cut into so like, why should it matter how it affects you? emotionally? try again, I don't care about that)

I had to "promise" not to do that deep again (I will) <-but will have to be careful because I dont want to be strip-searched.

downside, I have some deep ones on my forearm and near wrist that she doesn't know (that might cause a strip-search if she sees those, which fucks me over because my thighs are the worst place)

i don't know what's going on anymore, I'm just gonna blackout until the 12th

guess I'm going to fucking prom.

“Made my bed

cleared my head

closed my eyes

let me rest

fuck the help!

fuck my friends!

fuck my life!

let me end!”

i don't wanna speak, I don't wanna do any form of communication, I don't wanna type or write, I don't wanna talk. i don't wanna move. i don't wanna do anything.

again.

again.

again.

i just want to not exist, just wanna lay and rot, just wanna die.

“Way to high, I'm way too drunk

I'm not gonna cry from the things I've done”

i don't wanna speak, I don't wanna do any form of communication, I don't wanna type or write, I don't wanna talk. i don't wanna move. i don't wanna do anything.

again.

again.

again.

i just want to not exist, just wanna lay and rot, just wanna die.

i know for a fact, no one else at my school listens to him or even heard of him.

which makes me happier, I can finally have something that's mine

they can't take that away too. they can't take my only comfort away like everything else has.

if I don't refresh myself about something or why I have it often enough I believe I don't have it and everything's a lie and im completely normal and making everything up

going to attempt to get away with wearing long sleeves until May hits. hopefully the scars will be faded more by then.

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talking to/spamming my bf and he mentioned when we meet irl one day and that made me just shdhelwkvso

i don't know how he puts up with me but I love him, I hope we can really see each other one day. please be soon. i mean, im getting a job when I graduate, so maybe it's really possible..

high on anxiety my thoughts make no sense and too many too fast wanna find a way to get a gun and shoot myself or I'll just try od-ing when I get home

i hate this I hate this I hate this

I need someone to just talk anything and random nonsense to or I feel like I'll explode maybe im just overwhelmed but I'm also really pissed today

fuck people I hate them I hate them all

i don't know what I wanna do I don't know what to do I wanna just spill blood or random thoughts

I love how I even told him of how much I've been trying to die and failing lately. and all he has to say is "mm.."

im getting so fucking upset I'm about to look for attention in the wrong people and places again.

i come back after a fucking week and no "what happens "are you okay" or anything from him. fucking bullshit. maybe I should leave again. I'm so tired, upset with everything and everyone. I don't know why I bother with anything.

I've been feeling like throwing up the last few days, maybe I should. maybe it'll be successful this time.

it's whatever. doesn't fucking matter.

sure. I'll come back. I don't really care.

im so tired. again. and again. and again.

“So like you, I'll end my suffering

Cause you rape and you take it all away

Cause you rape and you take it all away

Fuck you”

i’m such a “i want your attention” but “won’t bother you” kinda person

current mood is wanting to fucking cry, scream, and rip my skin apart and hair out but actually I'm just sitting doom scrolling or watching youtube letting these feelings sit because you just don't have the will to do any of those things.

i want him back i want him back i want him back i want him back i want him back i want him back i want him back

i feel like I'm losing my mind the more days that go by without a response from him

it's affecting how I'm treating our other partner

it's affecting me responding to others

i swear im losing my mind, I just want him to come back. I fucking hate his mom for grounding him for so long. why does she have to do that. fuck her. i just want my boyfriend back before I end up offing myself.

being online but not responding to anyone

wonder how he'd feel if he knew and saw the extent of my cutting and scars.

he should leave me. i don't want to be cared about. (he doesn't care about me anyways, made that clear)