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Dysphoria - Blog Posts
me: *not feeling dysphoric at all*
the feeling of my tiddies moving whenever im dancing:
TW ed
Dont you just love it when your skinny to begin with and then you see a FUCKING CARTOON and want to relapse to look like it even though its physically impossible without being on the brink of death and the only thing you can do is force yourself to finish your dinner that was all ready extremely small cuz you cant handle normal food portions anymore
Dysphoria is an interesting beast, but if you find a way to combat it, then it's worth it to give that kind of thought a try. (click on images for higher detail, individual panels under the read more) Posted 20th July 2024
I'm fairly new to rebloging so I hope it's okay I'm adding to your post.
I just wanna share my experience with top surgery and having doubts before hand:
I started working towards getting top surgery when I was around 18 and because I was still in school and live (plus the fact this shit just tends to take forever) I only slowly got everything together for the surgery.
That meant I started the process 4 years before my actual surgery date. When I started I was fairly sure but the closer I got to the surgery the more doubts started to occupy my brain. I had a lot of therapy in the meantime and started liking myself more, which is good. However it unfortunately had the negative side effect of a part of me using this as an argument against top surgery. Because if I can learn to like myself I can learn to be okay with my boobs right?
I still don't think that's wrong, I think that yes I could have learned to be okay, be neutral towards my boobs instead of the major dislike that fueled my decision 4 years prior to walk down this path.
However despite that argument I decided to stick with my decision and get top surgery. And let me tell you: I'm so glad I did.
Because after nearly 8 months I can say with no doubt it was the right decision for me. It was the right decision not because I couldn't have accepted my boobs at some point but because without them I'm happy in a way I didn't know I could be with my body.
I look in the mirror and I get this happy giddy feeling in my stomach of seeing myself in a normal ass T-shirt but flat. I am overjoyed at dressing up fancy because it means I get to wear all the cool dress shirts I aquired over the years that finally look exactly how I also wanted them to look like.
Even my friends and family told me that the way I look makes more sense kinda. Like I look more like myself than before. Which yeah I do because I didn't feel comfortable with my boobs but also because even if I would have been alright with them I would never felt as enthusiastic about them as I do about my flat chest!
Having had top surgery made me happy and feel home in my body in a way that I didn't fully grasp beforehand. And I am so happy I stuck with my decision and didn't let the doubts get to me ^^
the good news is this *probably* won’t actually push back my timeline for top surgery, but I still let myself have a little tantrum about it because we respect all feelings in this house
I’m super hungry but I can’t go downstairs for food because today is my binder break day and it’s too hot for a hoodie or sweatshirt or any kind of layers :(
i live in active warzone, i'm trans, i have a mental disorder, my family disowned me, i'm homeless and don't have any friends. honestly this has to be some kind of prank, the gods who made me can't be serious about this shit. I just wish my life was normal and not whatever this is, is that so much to ask
Why did I have to have this body?! Everything is wrong. Everything is too big and I feel like I'm suffocating in my skin. Why do I take up so much space? Why am I so loud? Why can't I just be small? I'm a foot taller than all my cousins my age. My feet are bigger than my dad's and he's 6'4". Why is my nose so big. And my hands. And my chest. And my stomach. Why the fuck is it that I got the short end of the deal and now I'm huge?! I wish I could cut it off. I wish I could evaporate until I don't exist anymore. Maybe that's what I have to do.
When you find about fit that you really want to wear but it’s ever so slightly feminine so once you put in on dysphoria kick in like “everyone is going to think you’re a girl” but you’re not out to your family yet so that’s going to happen anyway.
REAL
Like why can’t I be a being of mist or something???☹️☹️☹️
Nonbinary dysphoria is wack bc sometimes I look in the mirror and I’m like oh no I look too masculine and too feminine at the same time.
Sometimes you just want to look like a blob.
Feeling really dysphoric so I vent a bit. I’m not the best at anatomy especially arms and hands but yeah. It kinda help to get it out and calm myself down. Idk if it’s really apparent in the drawing but my binder doesn’t always help because my chest is large and yeah.... Idk what to put here so have me screaming in text form. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
My gender envy spectrum as a genderfluid:
He/Him - Spider-Man (And sometimes Peter Parker)
He/They - Peter Parker (But never Spider-Man)
He/It - Wirt (Over the Garden Wall)
It/That - Darwin (TAWOG)
It/They - The Collector (TOH)
She/It - Velma (Scooby Doo)
She/Her - Melissa (Milo Murphy's Law)
She/They - Fluttershy (MLP)
They/Them - Stan (IT book + 1990 + 2017)
N/A - Dave/Evan/Chris/C.C./Crying Child (FNAF)
I don't think I missed any... but yeah this is my personal simple gender envy graph thing... yeah
Not to get personal...but this shit ‘boutta get personal...oh how I dream of teet yeet
I remember when I was younger, mystique was one of my favorite characters, I mean they could shapeSHIFT! In other words I’m trans, and shoulda realized that maybe that was a sign. GOD SO MANY SIGNS!! I remember in middle school I was sad that we couldn’t do co-ed sports and everyone wanted to do boys vs. girls. Another this is that I fought with my dad or someone about how everyone had adam’s apples, granted still not wrong, but I dunno what I was going for? And then there were all those times I had to wear clothing that I wasn’t comfortable in to go to church...would literally cry when I had to wear tights because it caused dysphoria. And then well puberty started and I didn’t like having boobs. Still don’t. Sports bras were ma besties and they got replaced by ma binder. I can’t wait till I can get top surgery in the future at some point. Also I dunno if breast cancer runs in family, though it does on my dad’s side, but he hasn’t tested yet, so that’s no to great, but yeah that makes two reasons to do the...TEET YEET!!! Also I remember once I wore a normal and goddamn never felt more unlike my self. Oh and then there was overcompensating in middle school because I wanted to be like my sisters, but I knew some shit was up, and you know/have an idea of the rest.
T-SHOTS
a little sketchbook spread following the delay of my hrt appointment, im a little frustrated and sooo dysphoric
"There is this urge inside me, I need to get it out"
sorry for not posting, my life is a mess right now
my power was cut off and I just found out my parents are in serious debt. i am so stressed and dont have time for anything, please take care of yourselves.
something that happened today
"I'll rise and become a transexual god"
the traditional ver of my previous post, i hope you guys like it. :3
METAMORPHOSIS
"I will mold my body into what I want it to be"
<<the constant pressure to be whatever people want me to be is killing me>>
[ID: a text saying "dont be surprised when I bite" on top of a drawing of a wolf snarling biting on a star]
feeling frustrated while being in the closet and living with other people who dont know im trans, having to hide my art so they dont suspect a thing is really exhausting. it prevents me from doing bigger and more explicit paintings :c
(btw my commisions are open so I can save up to start hrt)
Trying to beat that Summer heat