Imposter Syndrome - Blog Posts

Man, I really have to call my doctors again about Post-Exertional Malaise. Months ago we started the process cause I was trying to fight them that I might have CFS. Ruled out diabetes, found out I have severe sleep apnea. Cool. Treating that for the past 4 months. It's only supposed to take ~3weeks to start feeling a difference. Got a kick of energy a few days in and that gave me a new, slightly better baseline which I'm super grateful for, but nothing since then.

I should not be this tired. I spent 3h doing groceries on Tuesday. Then 7 hours at a little 1-day seminar l thing on Thursday. I spent less than 1 hour today throwing together a roast to set it in the oven and forget it while I went back to sleep. I have slept 60 hours in the last 130. I'm still exhausted. Within the next 2 hours, I will be going back to sleep again. Don't even have enough energy to play games on my laptop cause the set up and teardown is too much energy.

I can't tell if I'm gaslighting myself into thinking I'm less sick or more sick. But surely SOMETHING is wrong. It's driving me crazy

I’ve been in a real funk lately because my eye is goofed up and imposter syndrome is a thing, but then I get people saying such nice things in the tags!! Thank you all so much, I’m glad I can kinda draw hands good 💙

Imposter syndrome and ADHD

so, I am currently waiting to finally get tested for ADHD (a therapist that I talked to suggested that it may be inattentive type ADHD), but I just keep having imposter syndrome about it, because sometimes I notice “typical ADHD behavior” while I’m doing it, so I keep thinking, that maybe I’m subconsciously behaving like that on purpose or something. Is that a normal thing to happen with people that have ADHD or does this say something about me? I know that I’m not tested for anything yet, so maybe I just don’t have ADHD, but it would really explain a lot of things and also help me feel better about not being so good at certain things. So, is it normal to have imposter syndrome about something like that?

imposter syndrome when you make music is like:

ok i think i'm ready to show it

[shows it] [good reactions]

2 interpretations of the "good reactions"

• the good reactions seem polite : they now must think that you're dumb and have no future and they don't know why they're supporting you in what you do ; you thank them but inside you it's "never again am i showing this to anyone"

• the good reactions seem sincere, they even have specific favorite parts, you talk about it for some time with them afterwards : you think you finally reached the right audience, it's got something, it's my thing, it won't please everyone but some people might like it ----- one month later, randomly working on music → your brain: oh remember this time when you showed them this song? well actually they were lying, they hated it, and you made yourself a fool by trusting them like, do you really think your music is good? you're so dumb, the parts they said were their favorites? they focused on one little thing that was not too bad to make you believe they really liked it

So either reaction, I feel like I'm a little kid with a drawing, that no one wants to tell me what they really think about it and only lie to make me feel good but now I have no idea if that's really good, because I have no benefit of hindsight with my work

But when people don't like it I feel discouraged and when people like it I think they're lying

How am I supposed to ask people to play my song when thinking like that, how am I supposed to call on professionals to produce it, how am I supposed to promote it and take some space with it? I'm afraid people who like me as a person feel obligated to listen to it to prove they're good friends and give an opinion on it

Send help

We talk about this far too passionately for me to not reblog this <3

I don't think we're paying half of the attention we should be to the inherent horror of the Isekai trope. God knows I love it, like a stupid amount but can you even imagine?

Typically, the character firsts dies, hit by a bus, some illness, murdered, and that's your starting point. You die, in some gruesome way you are ripped from your world and then thrusted into another. You stopped breathing, you ceased to exist, you died. You didn't though. Because you're alive. All of a sudden, it's like nothing happened. But it did, didn't it? Tell me, is a wound still a wound if there's no scar? Where do you put all your grief if there's no grave?

There's no time to focus on that though, because you're in a stranger body. That's body horror, babe. Your skin is fairer, your hair is curled, your legs are longer, every part of you is not your own. Your hair, the colour of your eyes, the damn figure of your body, you don't look like yourself. Your nose is too straight, your smile lines are gone, your cheeks are rosey. Your hands aren't worn in the right places, maybe not at all, where are your burn marks from the stove, your calluses from your work, the cheap, chipped nail polish. You can't walk on these legs, these aren't the legs that took your first step, they aren't the legs you scraped learning to ride a bike, these legs haven't carried you through your life.

And what of these people who know you? No, not you, the person you're living in. It's their name you must respond to, their memories you must bluff through, their fate you must live through. You must abandon all sense of self to survive, you can never be yourself again because you died, you never existed here, because you are someone else now. You have been pulled on stage without a script, how long until they realize? That you can only echo back what they've said? That their child doesn't know their parent anymore? Their childhood friend, their lover, their rival.

What about them? Did they die for you to take their place? Have they taken yours? What have they endured, what did they love, why did this happen, how are you suppose to carry on when you have you have no idea if they're safe? Every good thing that happens to you should have been theirs, every bad thing that happens to you they've had ten times over.

What about the complete loss of your original world, hm? Especially in a fantasy world. You will never stand in your childhood home again, never eat your regional dish again, never hear the popular songs on the radio. Everyone you have ever known is in a world divorced from the one you are trapped in. You will never see them again and they will never know why.

You are an imposter in every meaning of the word, you never wanted to be, and you can never stop, and no one will ever understand because you're the only real person in this world. You will always be alone, in your happiest ending, you will never escape the world you were dragged out of to be reborn.

humans crave to be understood.

me most of all.

I feel as if no one will ever truly get me. maybe that’s how it’s meant to be.

maybe I distance myself too much from people and don’t make it easy to let them in.

maybe I’m meant to spend a lifetime alone begging people to just get me, to please, just look at me and not see someone who’s strange and weird but someone who has a system built against them and struggles to fit in.

I wear a mask everywhere I go to protect myself, not literally (at least not as often anymore). sometimes it physically manifests itself as an accessory, like sunglasses or a hat. I’ll never be caught without one. It’s my way of hiding from the world, letting people see me, but not truly all of me. not really.

I don’t think the people around me understand how much I change myself to fit in, how truly good I am at squeezing myself into boxes and attempting to be ‘normal’, or at least what society deems as such. I don’t think anyone will get me, understand me, know the scars on my soul and the ridges in my heart. the grief that never seems to leave, but comes in waves. the tears that are always present, or the thoughts that plague my mind.

maybe some people aren’t meant to be understood. maybe I’m one of them.

*sigh*

I'm looking for ideas to draw. Anyone want me to draw their art in my style?

I needed this and I feel there are many I know that do as well 💜🫶🏻

Beat your imposter syndrome and self-doubt on your personal Hero’s Journey

You probably know the Hero’s Journey popularized by Joseph Campbell, the basic structure for many beloved stories. A hero gets called to action, enters an unknown world, faces challenges and temptations, fails, learns what they need to change, applies said new insights, et voilà: success.

I just realized you can apply this to your imposter syndrome and self-doubt. Many of you feel (or fear) you don’t have the skills to bring your big, new project to an end. I’m here to tell you: you don’t need to.

The hero at the beginning of the story doesn’t have what it takes to bring their journey to a successful end. It’s the journey itself that transforms the character into someone who has what it takes to finish it. The character at the end of the journey is not the same as the character at the beginning of the journey.

So start ambitious projects that you feel underqualified for. It’s not imposter syndrome or writer’s block. You're in the challenges and temptations phase of your journey. Don’t let them hold you back. Let them transform you. Identify the skills you need to acquire to make your journey into a success. Learn. Practise. You’re not “not good enough”—you’re on your Hero’s Journey and you’re on the threshold of your transformation phase.

(I told my husband about this idea and he played Don't stop believin' by Journey. Per-fection.)

If this helped you, you might want to take a look at the rest of my writing advice.

Now go tackle your dream!

Invisible Artist

I never really wanted to make this to be a blog-blog, like write anything other than describe my art and put hashtags to the pieces. Yet, here I am, midnight, nearly 1 am; and I just couldn't wait to write this out.

I am afraid. I am lost and afraid, yet this feeling drives me more. I don't feel like an artist. Maybe it is because I never was formally trained, my skill has always been self taught mostly with guidance from other artists and my father. Maybe the lack of formal training is why I never pursued a career with my art? I have always regretted that and nearing 40, who knows if that will ever happen. This thought causes dread, depression and anxiety. I don't know if I should continue to draw, I feel lost. I am afraid to pursue my art even as a freelance, I don't take judgement well or criticism. Yet I know if I do not, I wont grow or gain more skill. I digress.

I write this because I post my art on various social medias and get nowhere. I don't know if I am doing this correctly. Should I network more? It's ok to ask for help. I see my posts get very few clicks, likes, etc. and others seem to explode with popularity. I have tried fan art, OCs, progress art, revisit old drawings. I haven't tried the DTIYS stuff, but I want to because it looks fun.

To those that read this, to the artists who feel invisible because you don't get the traffic you deserve, comment below so we see you. I will follow. It's ok to feel invisible, we all have to start somewhere. Even if you are near 40 like myself. There are so many artists out there who have been rejected or never found their style, medium etc. until later in life.

Carmen Herrera Rose Hilton Mark Rothko Phyllida Barlow Wassily Kandinsky Betty Tompkins Claude Monet Vincent Van Gogh Johannes Vermeer El Greco Paul Cezanne Georges-Pierre Seurat Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec Edouard Manet Paul Gauguin Alfred Sisley

Don't give up and don't draw for the likes, the fame or the notoriety. Draw because you want to create. Create because it is worth doing. In a world of destruction, chaos, hate; we need beauty. Things that inspire, drive us, give us awe and make us feel. Keep drawing. I see you, because I am you.

I’ve been feelin down on myself lately so this is just a reminder for when we need it,

You can be this:

And this:

In the same night!

beauty is not a linear thing! IM SICK AS A DOG RIGHT NOW

this is what it’s like when they treat you like you’re still a little girl and an adult at the same time

Is it just me or do other people get intense imposter syndrome within the aromantic everything. I figured out I was aro after four relationship where we either never talked or I overcominsated to an over bearing point. I feel so isolated from everything. Like I'm on the edge. O always see people talk about never understanding romantic attraction but I understand it. I understand wanting to be close to someone like that. But I don't feel romantic part. Yaa idk