Maladaptive Coping - Blog Posts

DAYDREAM

‘’They say a soul with a vivid imagination can live in their own world…I just never thought id get so lost in mine.’’ - Joud Aburashed

I'm sure whether you are a writer or a fan of other creative work, you can relate to this! I hope you enjoyed this week's installment of 'Slices of Gremlin'! I am going to continue updating every Tuesday, and if you would like to support the comic and get early access, you can sign up to be a member of the 'Little Creature Club' on Ko-Fi!

I wanna give up daydreaming so bad. I’ve been doing it for 6 years now and I feel like I’ve missed out on so many things. I would lie and say I felt sick when my parents and siblings wanted to go out and do things just so I could be left by myself so I could pace around my room without being interrupted. When all my friend where having sleepovers I would decline the offers because I wanted to be by myself so I could daydream without the fear of them judging me. I use to throw a tantrum whenever my headphones broke and I could not get new ones right away. I would skip out on band practice just so I could get a few more hour in. I’ve caused myself so much stress because I would rather daydream than do my homework/study. I just graduated high school and I almost missed my graduation because I wanted to stay home and daydream. I use to think it was no big deal that it wasn’t interfering with my life that I was not missing out on anything, but now looking back I realize that I’ve missed out on so many things. I loved that I had the ability to go and pretend to be someone who was popular, confident, selfless...everything that I wanted to be. Even when everyone else my age had stop having imaginary friends. I mean I can’t describe the feeling of daydreaming. I love doing it so much but when I stop at the end of the day and I realized all of the stuff I could have done if I was had not spent all day running around my room (I have to paint my floor every other month because I’ve walked so much the paint has came off). I feel like a complete idiot for wasting my day like that. I am starting college next spring and I’m planning to intern for NASA next summer so I need to stop thinking about my imaginary world and who I am there and focus more on me in this one. But everytime I try to stop i can’t because it’s just to hard. The longest I’ve went without daydreaming was a week and that was because I was stuck in a hotel room with my siblings, but even than I would daydream when I was in the shower, in bed, or the car. I just want to try and stop for good or at least where it stops interfering with my social life.

There is no audience to perform for. No audience. You are alone, no one is seeing you. Repeat it, repeat it, repeat it and understand it. Let it sink into your mind.

A little message for my maladaptive daydreamers out there, who have a problem with their paras always knocking on the door. For the ones who always feel like someone is watching, even if you know they're not real. For the ones who are just exhausted from always being in someone's company... even if you're actually not.

You are alone. No one is there. You can let go now.

there is no audience to perform for, there is no approval, no admiration to attain. there is no role worth playing, there is no one to convince. let it go

I see myself in many things from this list. If I actually am a maladaptive daydreamer, I'm definitely not a severe case, I can mostly function, do my homeworks and chores and other stuff. My life is actually really good and I do have plans and hopes for future. But the daydreaming is always with me, since I was a child. Everywhere, everywhere I go, there it is.

I don't have my own OC's, they are always already existing characters from medias I consume... but I'm worried that I don't have control over it anymore. I feel exhausted at the end of the day from all the daydreaming, my brain hurts. Trigger can be literally anything: a movie, a TV show, books, situations in real life. The conversations with the characters are neverending, and even when I don't daydream, I have this icky feeling that someone is with me. I know they are not real, but I spend so much time in their presence, that it is hard to let them go.

When I'm watching a movie, I have to really focus to not imagine myself in it. I hate it, because it ruins the whole story, every character is suddenly me, I think about them all the time and then I don't even know, what actually happened in the story and what was just my daydream. I watch scenes from movies and random interviews on youtube, and act with them, because I already know them word by word, imagining that it's me whose actually talking. I always loved stories and now I don't know how to consume them normally anymore.

But the thing that is scaring me the most, is that I'm terrified that I will not be able to connect with other people in real life properly. For a couple of months now I feel like I'm losing my friends and they don't even know. I try to act normally, show them that I love them, but I feel weirdly dull inside. I'm so worried that I will not be able to create a meaningful romantic connection (eventho I want it soo badly) because of this yearning for some kind of thrill and passion that only fiction can give me and that I can't get anywhere else.

alright look since people don’t seem to understand why maladaptive daydreaming is a big deal here’s a grand list of some of the reasons why.

first off: yes, you little babies, maladaptive daydreaming is often characterized by:

zoning out

“snapping back” to reality

which is often followed by mild alarm and confusion like “what where am i what am i doing whats going on”

seeking emotional satisfaction in daydreams that you didn’t get from real life

it’s often developed due to childhood isolation, not having a lot of friends, having too much time to yourself as a youngling

yep also those bless-ed long car rides

being deeply comforted by music and/or alone time because it means yay daydreaming time

intricate stories that exist inside vivid imaginary worlds (called paracosms) with their own highly developed “characters” (which are called paras, and i hope you’re taking notes) 

constantly looking for an “escape” so you can daydream

repetitive motions to stimulate daydreams such as swinging on a swingset, bouncing up and down, pacing, spinning, etc.

an idealized version of yourself through whose eyes you live out these daydream stories (called parames, like para-me…)

BUT!!!! but but but but but but (and this is the stuff y'all seem to constantly be forgetting/overlooking/not taking seriously) maladaptive daydreaming is also characterized by:

deep and dependent emotional attachments to paras such as intimate friends, lovers, family, and pets that don’t exist

deep guilt due to favoring paras over “real life” (called thisverse) people

a phobia that you will never be able to care about people in thisverse and will therefore be a terrible lover/spouse/parent, etc.

trancelike states where you lose time anywhere between a few minutes to several hours straight without even realizing it until you’ve returned to reality

maladaptive daydreaming steals so. much. time.

withdrawal-like effects if you don’t daydream for a long time (even a day), such as shaking, nausea, agitation, aggression, breakdowns, etc.

you don’t control your daydreams, they do whatever they want to, they are invasive, intrusive, and often unwanted

intense absorption, so when the daydream is exciting you will get an adrenaline rush and your blood gets hot and starts to rush and you sweat and breathe weird and see red and your heart rate goes up. when the daydream is depressing you will cry with real tears and your limbs actually feel heavy

it steals an incredible amount of energy

daydreams are often violent, sexual, and/or disturbing

difficulty focusing, high anxiety

paranoia caused by a feeling that you’re under observation

compulsive behavior (like, “i have to pace right now” even when your feet feel like they’re broken… I’ve often been afraid to look down because i thought i might see blood but i couldn’t stop walking even when it hurt so much that i started crying)

sleeplessness, insomnia, nightmares

suicidal thoughts and tendencies (“maybe if i die, i’ll be with my paras”, “i can’t take it anymore”)

feeling uncomfortable in your body/with your identity (i often have trouble recalling my real name because i’m so used to be my parame’s name, i avoid mirrors because i expect to see my parame’s face and it always catches me off guard)

weight loss or weight gain

appetite loss or appetite gain

dissociation and “out of body” experiences

avoidance and the death of your social life

not being able to feel anything either neg or pos about “real life” things because you’re only concerned with your paracosms

speaking the dialogue out loud or whispering, acting out daydreams

i have seriously been asked if i’m possessed when i got caught daydreaming

it is so painful and so detrimental and it makes our lives difficult, it is not “cute”, it is not “lol relatable”, it  is not “creative”, and it is not “fake”

MADD GUIDE

Please reblog so more people who need to see it get to see it :)

This may be MADD focused, but anyone having trouble with focusing and arranging their life, mental illness or not, can read and find this helpful!

Please skim through the different options that are color coded, but read through the normal text under the bold text questions :), they are important. Please read through this entire post, trust me you’ll need to see everything.

- what is MADD?

It’s an abbreviation for maladaptive daydreaming disorder! It is a coping mechanism many people have (usually developed during childhood but doesn’t have to be) causes by childhood stress, loneliness, and/or trauma. This leads them to daydream excessively to the point where they disassociate and lose track of time. There is no “official” cure for it, hell it’s not even recognized in the DMV, but professionals have heard and treated it before.

-…. so what do I do if I have it?

1. Realize it is out of your control to have this coping mechanism and, it doesn’t reflect on who you are. it reflects who or what did something that caused this to happen

2. Get professional help if you can! I know it’s embarrassing, but you don’t deserve to suffer silently purely because you are too ashamed of your daydreams. Therapists and psychologists are there to help you by understanding you, if you hear judgment from them then they aren’t a good mental health professional and you should get someone else!

-ok but??? I don’t see this as a problem??? Literally can’t live without it and it makes me feel great???

It makes you feel great because it’s a coping mechanism, but you don’t feel as great when you focus out of a conversation, when you miss work, and you miss events. It feels great in the short term, but it’s disastrous and stressful in the long term and makes those prioritize a imaginative life instead of your real life. It’s all fun and games until the procascination catches up to you and you feel so defeated and frustrated.

-….. so what if I’m young and/or I can’t get help?

There is a possibility that you can “cure” it by yourself and with nothing else, but please recognize if it’s caused by a deep rooted issue like it often is, you will not be able to fully get rid of it. MADD from my personal observations and professionals acts like a mask as those who often have MADD also have ADHD, depression, and or anxiety. This is why it’s hard for a lot to force themselves not to daydream, it often leads them to deal with those mental illnesses and disorders that are heavy.

Note: even with professional help, you may get it again due to whatever reason or continue to have it for a while, for a lot of people, it’s not completely gone from their life! But those who do have it and don’t have any professional help and those who do have and have professional help can definitely do the following suggestions bellow! ^^

There are however ways to cope with it (yes coping for a coping mechanism lol)

1. (Necessary) Self love, self care, self confidence- nobody really thinks about self care when they think of how to handle this coping mechanism, but it makes sense when you think it through. Daydreaming this much leads to losing track of time, it means you don’t have a schedule which also means you don’t have a time where you take care of yourself. This leads you to feel stress and overwhelmed by the amount of things you didn’t do, pushing yourself, daydreaming, and repeating a cycle where you neglect yourself and hate yourself and are more miserable. Self love is a journey you take by yourself, and you can get there a million different ways. It can be telling yourselves affirmations everyday, or wearing clothes that bring you joy so you feel good about yourself. This is an absolute necessary everyone needs in their life regardless of whether they have MADD or not.

2. Meditate!- many find meditation helpful, and it is! Meditation helps you be aware of your surroundings, therefore keeping you grounded therefore keeps your head from going up in the clouds! ⛅️

ALL OF HEADSPACE MEDITATIONS BUT U DIDNT HEAR IT FROM ME: https://href.li/?https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1sZ7Rev2ownSl-JlUn2VhE87RBwW9ZX9n

3. vision board!!- vision boards are a collage of photos which visually tell what you want achieved during the year, it is a great way to keep track of what you want and and remind you of what you really want and what your end goal is. You can either do a digital, or physical version, or both!

Digital how-to: https://youtu.be/kTYE3ZvXfXU OR https://youtu.be/TcXm7R3BUdU

Physical how-to: https://youtu.be/qXsYKpnBrF4 OR https://youtu.be/0TD48nEjd6U

4. Write a story or make a comic about your daydream!- tell your story! It doesn’t have to be your entire daydream timeline universe (idk what to call it) but you can make short stories or tell about one of the adventures your characters have gone on! This is a great way to invest in something productive instead of pacing around and daydreaming! You don’t have to be a good writer, but it is a good way of improving your writing skills which is always a helpful school (especially when writing high school or college essays)

5. (Highly suggested) clean yo room- I cannot explain how great it is to see your bedroom all nice and clean, that’s filled with furniture and items that are what you want and love seeing. In other words, clean and rearrange yo room. Some people like to have many bright things in their room, others literally have a closet rack which has their most worn items on it that they reach for. You can be both, you can be neither! The most essential thing is that you have a bedroom where you feel like you can breathe and you feel at peace in. Arrange your room to the best of your abilities, you may not be able to buy new furniture, but it doesn’t hurt to throw old items out and buy new ones, or fill with more things. A tidy room is a tidy mind!

6. Get artsy!- whenever I feel upset or like I daydream, I do art! You can draw, paint, sculpture, or all three and more! This is a great thing to use to channel negative emotions and make you focus. It’s very relaxing and really l it s your energy in soemthing productive! There are so many options you can do, you can find whatever is best for you! Arts and crafts is just as relaxing as painting to some!

Different ways to change up and arrange your room: https://chocolates-and-roses2.tumblr.com/post/642164018760581120/a-deep-room-cleanse

Marie kondo is also a great help in organizing your room! She makes sure you clean your room, and it forever stays that way! She has a series on netlfix as well as a book, you can choose either option though I think the book explains more.

- ORGANIZATION (not an option!)

Nobody (especially students) have gotten away with not writing down and memorizing everything that a teacher has said or that needs to get done. Especially MADDers (yes I’m calling y’all out 👀). Here’s a few options that you can try out, got certainly aren’t expected to do all.

1. BULLET JOURNAL BULLET JOURNAL BULLET JOURNAL- bullet journaling gives you complete control on how to organize your tasks, future events, and important things you need to write down etc… your bullet journal can be completely right down to the bone and simple, or more on the creative aspect. This option will definitely hold you a little bit more accountable considering it’s not all set up for you, you are the one setting it up.

more simple, down to the bone: https://youtu.be/fm15cmYU0IM

For the more creative and/or artsy ones: https://youtu.be/VQUH8VLE0YE

Note: you don’t have to do everything that the people in the videos above have done. Some people may need to put in calendars, others do not. Make sure you cut some things out if you need to to fit your life.

2. Agenda/planner- this is the same as a bullet journal, the only difference is that an agenda/planner has all the months and days laid out for you. It has already laid out everything for you and while some planners give you more content than others, they in general allow to write down events on the calendar provided for each month, write down the task u have for each day, and give you space to write down anything else you need on the sides. Some planners have broken each day down to an hour, so you can write down what you need to do in that time. These are available at your local Walmart and target and there’s tons of cute options :).

More creative way: https://youtu.be/OlDuxRmgWVY

More simple and clean: https://youtu.be/fRTaOqiTq9c

A whole ass system: https://youtu.be/NrVl9468Q_s

If you still don’t understand the difference, I’m sorry for not explaining well, and here’s a vid that explains it well! : https://youtu.be/zSVVdVFMc9E

3. TO DO APPS- these apps range from just the digital version of your average task sticky paper you put on your fridge, to turning your tasks into a whole-ass game which you can level up your character!

To do lists, but make it fun!: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.reviewgeek.com/2319/these-5-apps-turn-your-to-do-list-and-productivity-into-a-game/amp/

Good ol’ to do list (with neat features): https://zapier.com/blog/best-todo-list-apps/

4. Literally just Canva- Canva has templates that are daily planners, you can print it out with all the stuff you need typed out, maybe use it as a guide to whatever design you want on your journal, or print it out and write on it, you can do whatever.

Templates: https://www.canva.com/planners/templates/

5. Block scheduling- you literally turn living hour by hour to living block by block, this system makes you do certain tasks during each block, before focusing on other tasks, this is said to work for everyone, so try it out!

Blog that explains it with video: https://funcheaporfree.com/the-block-schedule-system-what-it-is-how-it-works-and-how-it-will-change-your-life/

There are probably many many many many more ways to organize your life and daily schedule, but I’ve already given you five that, as you go deeper, branch out into different versions, so this should be good enough to start at the very least.

-Help can’t focus while trying to do work and daydream instead :(

Ah yes, the age old issue for MADDers. I myself have trouble with focusing and when things get too stressful us MADDers bounce and just daydream instead. I don’t have many options for this but here are some:

1. FOREST APP- I love this app so much because you set a timer to how long you want to do something, and if you can actually go through with the whole time and not scroll on your phone or daydream, it plants a tree irl! There’s also a non free version of it which I would say: if you got a couple of dollars get the 1.99 one (I think it’s that much)

2. Fidget toys- great way to keep your hands busy while you do your work!

3. Apps that make you set timers and not look at other apps- pretty self explanatory, they are great apps.

https://www.mothermag.com/screen-time-limit-apps/- apps that set limit

4. Take a break???? (Essential, not an option)- You are not a robot, you are a human being with complex emotions and you need love and care just as any other human being does

Other options that are in the first section can also help with focusing, not just these three (but really 2) options ^^

-I literally feel like poop because I am so behind on work and what if I don’t follow through everyday on these different things and let my sadness and MADD get the best of me?

As I mentioned earlier, you are not a robot, you are a human being that needs attention and love. That is why self care is so important and must be in your schedule and in ur fricking life, you need to take care of yourself mentally (self care) and physically (working out, can literally be just jogging). Some days you will not get things you need to get done. Some days you will have mental breakdowns and have nothing done. We are human, we are not perfect. Take a breather and forgive yourself. It is not your fault you have this, but you are much more than MADD and you will accomplish more than this thing is letting you. MADD will never, control you. You control it. Take a deep breath and remember, I would not be typing this so late at night if I didn’t give a damn about any of you. Take dare of yourselves and come back and read this whenever you need to.

With love,

Rose.