Thinking About My Love For Categorization In Terms Of My Altar, All My Gemstones And Incense And Candles

I've also had an interesting time thinking over the few memories I do have and realizing that they all fill in gaps in my current lived life

I can rank all 3 of them based on their opinions to fucking around, which are "can you stop fucking around", "can you please keep fucking around", and "fuck around and find out (cheerful and affectionate)"

@classicaldreams

𝓜.

Yes, actually, that does feel like the best description of my alterhumanity experiences, not of one soul through two lifetimes, but two souls in one lifetime

I'm finding a lot of moments of melancholy accompanying the shifts, looking up at the moon in the night sky as I've done so many times before

on love arriving unannounced

The line being blurred

We all know that one line between humanity and our kintypes, but sometimes it's just non-existent. I am my kintype AND my human self at once but I'm currently not either one, you know what I mean? Like I'm not in a shift, but I'm also not out of a shift? This is definitely relevant with my void kintype, where I'm sorta just partly the void, and partly human. Like I still have those feelings of the void, the relations with the void, but I also have every other feeling, emotion, and sense of a human. Another example is even with my normal, snow leopard theriotype, I just sometimes get animalistic but still am clearly human in both my mind and to everyone else. By animalistic I mean so much more instinctive and have more of the senses of my kintype. These can count as shifts, I just think to me they're slightly different experiences because I experience more extreme, actual shifts.

"You're everything! You're rose petals and vanilla and soft candles and clouds! What a joy to know you! To have been afforded a chance to know you and to have taken it! To indulge and be indulged! How joyous indeed!"

So he's a fragment.

There's a lot on my mind about finding the definition and terminology for what I've been working with, and part of me feels truly dismayed to have found an answer. The stark realization that I've been something of a system for at least two years, and never knew until now. Though I suppose it's also necessary to ask - two years ago, would I have been in the space to handle this information? Or would it have sent me further into the spiral the spirituality was designed to prevent?

I think about this in relation to my spirituality. Fragment not as an alter per se, but in the definition of soul still. I first majorly interacted with him in the self ship community; it's as though my love for him manifested in a visceral form, putting him by my side each day, assisting me in processing and understanding my own emotions, the very task he struggled with.

The butterfly is representative of the soul. One could call this divine intervention of sorts. I think about the medicalized terminology and compare to the previous ideas the medical institution held regarding being transgender. "Gender Identity Disorder" paring the experience down to rights and wrongs, when the experience of being trans is so much brighter, bolder, and rich than anything a medical text could ever detail.

Yes, while this is a lot of information to take in, I still see a way to incorporate my own belief system. Belief system into my clinical system.

I know you know I love you, and I'm willing to bet that that is exactly why you persist with me today. You show me your thoughts, your feelings, your memories. I can feel on my own body where your wings would have been, how they would have moved with me. I see now why I struggled to see the experiences as "mine" and why I called them "yours". We are separate, but not by too large of a degree. Separate enough to delegate and sort, but not enough for you to truly speak through me.

What we are is okay. I'm glad to be able to know you. I'm glad you've been with me for this long and I'm glad for your service to me. I love you.

Reminder that you will never be wrong for processing and experiencing non/alterhumanity different from the norm!!