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Feeling Alone - Blog Posts
im feeling down but theres nothing i want to do or buy i dont even wanna buy food which is something i always wanna do whenever im upset
was supposed to play overwatch with a discord server im somewhat active in but like no one showed
i hate having no friends. being alone is fun until youre reminded that youre truly alone
and like i really want to share the fact that im having bottom growth and have people tell me in that moment that theyre proud and happy of me but i have no one :’)
might just post it randomly to a discord server im in meant to tmen and get my validation from there
and im constantly like “i wish i had a bf” but i really dont wanna use dating apps they fucking suck
grindr is so damn scary and comes off as “scam the app” then i feel like shit using any other dating app i dont wanna swipe on ppl thats mean
idk. just sad and lonely rn
,,So, you want to rescue everyone but... who rescues you?"
from ,,I'm going to get better" by Olivia Mark
I can relate to this a lot... 🥲
Anyone want to taste her pussy?
Anyone want to have a taste test or a trail run?
We ordered pizza this evening, I went to answer the door and notice the pizza delivery guy's got big. I turned around and seen my wife was still laying on the couch. I told her next time to wave him over.
Sometimes I think I'd have more friends or even a partner if I wasn't guilted and expected to watch my nephew during every minute of my free time :/
i wait
i wait by the mailbox everyday, hoping, wishing, that maybe a letter will show up. a letter professing their love back to me, their appreciation of my existence. maybe, just maybe, it's all in my head. how i'm not meant to be here. how i'm not worthy enough of being loved. of how their blank stares are just words of judgement of how i'm so much better off without them. and yeah, maybe theyre right. i am better off without them. but somehow i just can't let go. maybe, i'm used to the thorns on the stem of the flowers they give me. the dead, burnt, crisp, flowers.
I’ve gotten used to being treated this way
I’ve gotten used to being ignored, of having my hellos be greeted with rolled eyes.
I’ve gotten used to my palms being stained with ink from letters I stayed up writing until dawn, waiting by the mailbox just to never get any letters written back.
I’ve gotten used to being as nice as I can be, and getting called unauthentic.
I’ve gotten used to you ignoring me as we pass through the hallway, as I sat alone on graduation day holding my own hand because no one wanted to hold mine.
I’ve gotten used to always being the one who messages first, and waiting for a reply until a new moon passes us by.
But maybe it’s time I get used to loving myself enough, to not make myself endure all of this. When will it be my turn to grow? To be apart from your shadow? Maybe it’s time to let go.
society abandoned me. People don't even know I exist. People literally ignore me when I talk to them. Quite literally pretending I'm not there. It's literal torture. I'm seriously considering forcefully kicking the bucket early because of it.
How are people able to love each other romantically so much? How are they able to fall in love since they are in kindergarten? How are they able to find humans that they want to hold and touch and kiss on a regular basis and how they don't think about being somewhere else while doing so... How? How? How...
Is everyone just pretending? Is it that... at some point, you just stop looking? Is it that you settle? Is it that you stop hoping for a great love and you let it go? Do you love the people that you fall asleep next to? How does it look like? How does it feel like?
Is it just luck...
Are some people conditioned to want, to yearn, to wish with no place to release theyre heart? Is wanting really everything there is for some?
Even though I have new friends i still alone sometimes. Things that happen
On other news I have the autograph of a Mexican movie director. Sooo... Good week (?
Our last names are very similar. He gave a masterclass on my school. Search him up it's Carlos Carrera
i hate feeling invisible when I'm surrounded by people
it's like i'm not even there, everything I say is ignored
no one notices when i'm trying to talk to them
i wish i actually was invisible at this point
Another drawing about teenager Kaptajn 💥
(Sorry for bad English)
He's celebrating his birthday all alone, making his own cake, buying his own candles, singing "Happy Birthday" to himself.
Always completely alone.
i blink and it is october and i have been alone for years
Pasrah (2023)
Ketika akhir dari gelisah adalah menyerah, dan pasrah menjelma menjadi sisa dari harapan yang nyaris musnah.
Di dalam kegelisahan yang nyaris menggilakan, aku mencari jalan keluar dari proses menyembah kekosongan. Memasrahkan diri pada dunia yang penuh ragu, ikut-ikutan menjadi bagian dari orang-orang yang beriktikad menuju hakikat Tuhan.
Namun, apakah benar aku sedang menuju hakikat? Atau hanya mengikuti parade wajah-wajah yang tersenyum? Tetapi, apakah ini ikhlas, atau hanya topeng lain yang kubuat sendiri?
Merasa telah menemukan jalan, padahal mungkin aku hanya mengikuti arus, terjebak dalam ketakutan, dalam keinginan untuk terlihat tenang.
Apakah aku pasrah, atau hanya menyerah dalam kepura-puraan? Di dini hari ini, aku bertanya pada bayangan sendiri.
Dini Hari (2022)
Dalam diam dan sunyi dini hari. Saat tubuh terbangun di antara bayang-bayang malam, dan bulan yang perlahan surut menuju ujung langit.
Di sela tarikan napas yang samar, kenangan bertahun-tahun lalu bergetar kembali. Malam-malam ketika aku mencari, menyelami ruang hening yang tidak memberi jawaban.
Aku yang dulu pernah menyembah kekosongan, berharap menemukan sesuatu di dalam kehampaan.
Di dini hari seperti ini, aku belajar membaca ulang jejak diri, mengurai yang pernah tersimpan rapat dalam diam dan sunyi.
Mungkin bulan akan segera pergi, tapi cahayanya selalu meninggalkan tanda, seperti ingatan yang tak pernah benar-benar hilang.
everything popular is wrong
oscar wilde
light means nothing when your mind is dark
« smoking kills »
« that’s the point isn’t it? »
dizzyingly alone, me and the metal chamber.
👽🛸🪐
How I love the beer company ads of non drinkers. They fully mirror the kind of world we are in, how it fucks us up and then advertises itself as a better place to live in.
Myself is crippling me,
myself is a critic that always it has to find a negative thing to say about me.
Myself is fear and the purpose of me has always been to overcome it.
art by @kmcvisuals
Some bloomed in the same loneliness
that mutilated others.
Hope for an understanding response, But it doesn't work like that, No response at all, Unfortunately
oh. i was summoned. well, i ain't got much
ima do the paragraph so you kinda understand
"She dropped the stick on the ground and continued walking, following their only lead. They came to what looked like a large bush. leaves and thorns wrapped around hard branches, creating a tightly held together fortitude of foliage. Stronger than the bonds between any of the groups of siblings. Or is that so?"
i have no one to summon. i literally have no friends on tumblr but the one who summoned me-
*cries in a corner*
Last line challenge
Rules: in a new post, show the last line you wrote (or drew) and tag as many people as there are words (or as many as you feel like).
Tagging all my favourite people in this god forsaken blue hellsite (still better than twitter)
No pressure tag, obviously because I know some of you who don't write but I just wanted to tag you for the funsies, and because I love you
@apolloniosofrhodes
@alpinefury
@artemisdesari-blog
@iprefertheterminsane
@ellietheasexylibrarian
@nateneedssleep
@eom-02
@homohomohoe
@captainmaxatx
I am doing this myself because no one tagged me, thus I am free to ignore all rules. Here have this, which is my last paragraph:
"maybe there's a hell and a heaven. If so she hopes that down under isn't as bad as they made it out to be.
Maybe she'll be reincarnated. In that case she would love to be a cat. They seem so happy and loved and self assured. Everything she wasn't in her brief life.
Maybe there's nothing. She really fucking hopes so. To become a speck of dust, floating in the great nothingness. No hurt no pain. On the other hand there would be no joy either, but compared to this? The slow drudge of days until the inevitable? Yeah. Nothing sounds real fucking good
Or maybe, she thinks as a vaguely humanoid-faced truck rushes towards her, she is about to be isekai-ed. Because that sure as fuck looks like truck-kun.
And that is the last thought of the woman before her consciousness drifted among the planes of existence.
Her pastry, half eaten, rolls in the dirt as the truck driver desperately calls for an ambulance and a bystander performs a futile CPR"